Night in Bethlehem

I've been at my sister's house this entire month and it's been real nice because I'm not ready to go back to my apartment to be alone. There is this family who lives across the street from her that, every Christmas, they host a Night in Bethlehem. They rent a donkey, lambs, sheep, and chickens and they dress in clothes that resemble biblical clothing and re-enact the story of Christ's birth. It's an older couple and their raised children and their children's families are the actors. This year they were in need of a baby to play baby Jesus, so my nephew was baby Jesus. This family has a barn that acts as the Inn and then they have a seperate stable where Joseph, Mary and baby Jesus are at. It was really cool because there were over 450 people there tonight and the barn was packed (come to think of it, I'm sure some law or another was broken, but that's beside the point) and it was chaotic. They even had extra people, not related to the family, but that were volunteers to play the wise men, the shepherds, the Roman soldiers, angel Gabriel and various other characters. So, besides the the 450 guests who were coming to see the re-enactment, there were at least 30 or so actors and the various animals. It was packed and there was hardly any room to move.

I have a social anxiety and so it was hard to be in this barn that was packed over it's capacity. Various actors were walking around speaking in Arabic, or something like it, and Roman soldiers yelling for obedience, some guy who was trying to sell his chickens who were freaking out and I was holding (more like clutching) my niece close to me so that she wouldn't get seperated. My mom kept accidently blowing out her candle (yes, there was fire, too) and going to get it lit again and I was wearing heels (not practical, I know). And then some man started yelling at someone and we all looked, he was saying, "Look around you, we are full to capacity, there is no more room in the inn!" Another man spoke, "But my wife is heavy with child and we need to rest." Again the harsh reply from the innkeeper and then once more, a plea from Joseph, "Please, look upon her yourself. Do not turn us away, I beg of you." The innkeeper then looked at Mary and his face went from aggressive to the most humbled look I have ever seen on a man's face and he said, "Clearly we can make room for you somewhere, but we must hurry. Make way, make way!" And at that they tore a path through the crowd, room that did not exist moments before, as Mary was led to a manger on the back of a donkey by her husband Joseph who looked scared and relieved at the same time. The crowd started to push forward as we all started to make our way outside in a frenxy, and I was being pushed back further and further. My heart was pounding because I was afraid I wouldn't see the baby. We all followed them out to the back of the barn and they disappeared.

The next scene was that of the Shepherd's in the fields. They were being told by other shepherd's who had just returned from Bethlehem about the 3 kings they had seen, kings who were looking for a fourth king, a baby. And then high above all our heads and angel appeared out of no where, I kid you not. One of the actors, the man playing Angel Gabriel was high up above us and a light shone on him and it was breathtaking. A chorus of music began to play as the Angel Gabriel began to prophecy of the birth of the Messiah and how the shepherd's could find him. As quickly as the music began and the angel appeared it stopped and the spotlight shown on a stable that wasn't there before and in the manger were Mary, Joseph, and the baby Jesus Christ. The actors in the crowd started to sing "Silent Night" and it was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life. The crowd joined in and many of us were crying.

I've been thinking a lot about Christmas this last month. I've heard other birth mother's talk about how the holidays are now ruined for them and they no longer enjoy Christmas and I've been worried that I would take on the same mentality, but I've noticed that the Christmas season has meant more to me this year than it ever has before. I have a whole new understanding. I've been thinking about how Christ wasn't raised by his father, Joseph wasn't his father. Heavenly Father entrusted Christ's life to Mary and Joseph and Mary and Joseph both understood the mission of their baby boy, Jesus. I can't help but think of the night Christ was born and Joseph and Mary finally experiencing this little baby that was entrusted to them and the awe they must have felt towards the tiny baby in Mary's arms. I also can't help but to imagine how much Mary must have kissed his forehead and cried as she looked at her son and realized that one day he was no longer going to be hers, the day that he would complete his mission and return to his father and mother in Heaven and I think I understand her better and respect her more than I ever considered to before.

The story of Christ's birth and ministry and resurrection is the greatest story ever told and I can't help but be thankful for my own story and Baby Boy's involvement in it. I can't be sad about this process because so many blessings have come from it. I am grateful that I was entrusted to bring Baby Boy into this world. And, as I held him in the hospital, I was in awe of his perfection and I recognized with a heavy heart the sacrifice that I would have to make in order for both of us to have a chance at the life we deserve. The sorrow subsides a little more each day and it is a deep one, but I'm grateful to understand it and to witness the blessings that are coming from it. I feel sorrow, but I'm happy because this is a beautiful story and I want to share it with everyone. Baby Boy is my happiest story, he is my new beginning and I am blessed to be his birth mother. The Holidays are not ruined for me, rather, they are even more special and beautiful to me than they were before and I'm grateful for my baby boy for making it so.