Light

I want to tell you all a story about goodness that exists in this world.  It's a true story and one that is very close to my heart.

It was in May 2013 that I met Marvell Smith.  I had just gotten out of an extremely bad relationship in December 2012 and I was pretty bitter.  Marvell was a wedding photographer and I had become familiar with his work in 2012 when the guy I was dating at the time was talking about marriage.  I was blown away by Marvell's photography.  He captured moments, not images, but heartfelt and emotionally intimate moments.  It was true art and not like any other wedding photographer I had ever seen.  You can see it for yourself at his blog:

http://vellvetimages.com/#/home--utah-wedding-photographer/

I never messaged him about his photography, though.  It wasn't until May 2013 that he and I started talking about getting to know each other.  At this point, I was in a bad place.  He was so nice and engaging and intriguing.  I wanted to know more about him, but more than anything I really wanted to know a man that wouldn't let me down.  Let me clarify that last statement.  My brothers and dad are amazing men and they don't let me down.  The type of relationship I'm talking about is outside of familial relationships.  I don't have that much experience with good men outside of my family.  Marvell surprised me because he was always uplifting.

In June 2013 we decided to go on a date.  We had a really good time.  It was really late, like after 9:00 at night when we had our date.  I was a bundle of nerves.  Borderline basket-case.  When I got out of my car to walk up to Marvell, I didn't know if I could even look him in the eyes because... I was nervous of men.  He smiled so big and his eyes were so kind.  We talked a little bit.  He was a master body language reader.  As a police officer, he made a career on reading peoples' body language.  we ended up talking for a bit longer and then we went and got what we thought would be a quick dinner.  Six hours later we were still talking.  We talked about everything.  I couldn't remember the last time I felt so completely comfortable and safe with a man that wasn't a family member.  He had me laughing to the point of tears.  And his laugh was incredible.

Over the course of the next 3 months, he became a fast friend.  We never did go on another date, but we became amazing friends.  I always looked forward to his updates about weddings he was shooting and if I was ever having a rough day, I knew I could text Marvell and he would say the exact thing I needed to hear.

On September 18, 2013, to the shock and sorrow of all that knew him, Marvell died in a motorcycle accident.  I woke up that morning at 7:40 a.m. thinking to myself, "I need to text Marvell and tell him how much I love him."  I pushed that thought to the side because it was so early and I didn't want to risk waking him up as he always stayed up so late editing photos from his wedding shoots.  And I didn't want to interrupt his morning with his sons if he was awake.  It was a school day.  So, I didn't text him.  I found out at about 10:00 a.m. what had happened to him and... nothing can prepare you for that kind of news.

I've really struggled this week since Marvell passed away.  I didn't know him as well as I would have liked.  My heart is broken for his friends who knew him for years.  My heart is broken for his family and his two boys.  There is nothing easy about an unexpected passing of a loved one.  In some ways I don't feel like I have the right to mourn his passing because I didn't know him as long as others.  But, I know that if Marvell heard me utter that thought that he would laugh at me and tell me I'm an idiot, or something like that.  And I would laugh.  He had this way of bringing things into perspective in such an easy and comical and non-judgmental way.  It was honest.  I loved that about him.

I believe that there are people who come into our lives when we need them the most.  And if we pay close attention, we will learn from their example the things we most desperately want to know about ourselves, our lives, this world, and love.  It was no accident that I met Marvell when I did.  I needed his example the most when I met him.  I only knew him for 4 months, give or take a couple of weeks, and that's all it took for him to change my life and impact me for the better.  I wish will all my heart that I could have known him longer.  But, I know he's not gone, and better yet, I know that I will see him again because of the Atonement.  He taught me about the Atonement.  He taught me so much.  He taught me about God.  He taught me about trust.  He taught me about friendship.  He taught me selflessness.  He taught me love.  He taught me that I am so much stronger than I ever thought.  He saw me in ways that I'm still trying to comprehend, but he helped me see that those ways are there.

I miss him so much.  Words are not enough to express my gratitude in knowing this man.  When we lose someone so important to our lives it's hard not to question why they were taken from this world.  It's hard not to question why someone who was a light in our life, why their light had to be extinguished from our sight.  Especially, when they made the world seem less dark.  What happened to Marvell was an accident.  I believe that accidents happen and they hurt God's heart just as much as our mortal hearts.  And it is in those moments that God has to make something beautiful out of something tragic.  Marvell was a protector and a visionary in this life.  He always chose only to see the good in people.  I know that he is still protecting on the other side.  And that's a comfort to me because we all need protecting angels because there are so many aspects to this world that are dark.

I will never forget Marvell.  He was so talented in so many ways.  And he was an amazing father to his two boys.  He was a brother, the oldest in his family.  And he was a son.  He was a friend.  He was so many wonderful things to so many people.  He will be missed by so many.  And that's a testament to the man that he was.  He was good.  He was honest.  And he was loyal beyond words.  And he's got two boys that need all of our love a support right now.

I rarely do this, I can think of one other time that I did this and that was for a local family trying to raise funds to adopt siblings from Ukraine.  This is important, otherwise I wouldn't mention it on here.  There is a fund that has been set up for Marvell's two incredible sons who entered the 7th and 10th/11th grades this year.  Any donation you can part with will be greatly appreciated.  Marvell was the type of man that helped out everyone.  He was so giving.  He gave so much to the community of Utah.  Even pennies will help.  If you would like to donate to this fund, you can find it at the following link:

http://marvellsmith.org/

Thank you for remembering this man with me.

Birth Mother Baskets: Guest Blogger ~ Kathryn

Birth Mother Baskets: Guest Blogger ~ Kathryn

I have had the honor to be a guest blogger over at Birth Mother Baskets. You can read what I had to say by clicking on the link above.

Thank you Gina and Jenny got the opportunity.