Hopeful Adoptive Family: Galbraith Family Spotlight

How did you meet your spouse? How long did you both date before you decided to get married? How long have you been married?
Troy and I met at a summer dance. He had just graduated from high school and I was heading into my senior year. We hit it off right away and started dating. We dated for a year. I graduated from high school and went off to college. Troy went to Africa and served a two year mission for our church. We wrote letters for those two years. After Troy returned home in September, we started dating again, we were engaged in December and married the following May. We have been happily married for almost twelve years now! 

What was the first thing you really came to appreciate about your spouse and why was that quality/characteristic important to you [if the ladies of the couple are answering this, then grab your husband's and have them answer it for you as well ;) ]?
Rachel on Troy: Troy was quiet and kind. He just wanted me to be happy and that was all that mattered to him. I loved that if I was upset about something he would just hold me and tell me everything would be okay- he never offered advice on how to “fix” it and I appreciated that. Troy on Rachel: She was outgoing and fun. She was always nice to everybody and everybody liked her. She has a way of making people feel comfortable right away. 


Do you have any current family traditions that you celebrate as a family? If so, how did these traditions begin? 
We have so many traditions: we get together with Troy’s family for almost every holiday. The family loves to dance and so we set up the Wii on a projector and everybody dances to the Just Dance game or the Michael Jackson game. Everybody dances- the grandparents, the aunts and uncles, and all the kids. It is so fun! 


If you currently have children, how many children do you have right? Are they biological? Are they adopted?
We have four biological children. Our oldest two are girls, and our youngest two are boys. We always wanted a large family and had to stop after four for some medical reasons, but we are excited to continue growing our family through the miracle of adoption! 

If not already explained, how did you come to the decision to adopt? 
I have always planned on adopting, ever since I was a little girl. Troy and I discussed it while we were dating and both agreed that it was something we felt drawn to. Then we began having our biological children and the idea of adoption was put on hold. After our fourth child was born, there were complications and the doctors had to tie my tubes. Another pregnancy could be life-threatening. While we sat in the hospital with our new baby son, we started talking about adoption. We had always known it would be part of our lives, and we were excited that the opportunity had just presented itself! 


How has your experience in the world of adoption mirrored or changed your expectation of adoption? 
I have always seen adoption as a miracle, but since we have taken the leap for ourselves, I have come to realize how really miraculous it is. I have done my best to see adoption from the perspective of a birth-mother. To see how truly self-less a birth-mother has to be, humbles me to tears. I respect those women so much. 


How do you define open adoption? What is open adoption to you? 
We believe that a child should know his/her biological parents. It is important in establishing his/her place in the world and in our family. Open adoption to us means that we would get to know the child’s birth-mother and hopefully become friends (well, more like family.) We feel like we would be gaining two members of our family- the baby and the birth-mother. Of course we would only be as open as the birth-mother is comfortable with, but we hope that would include pictures, phone calls, visits, etc. 


What would your ideal relationship with "your" birth-mother be, pre-placement? (Would you like to attend Dr. appointments with her, have her to Sunday dinners, get together on a monthly basis for a movie, & etc?  How involved would you, ideally, like to be involved, & etc.) 
Our ideal relationship pre-placement would be to meet up for lunches, attend doctor’s appointments with her, talk on the phone, and be open about the entire process. We would like our kids to be comfortable around her, and vice-versa since she will be a big part of our lives from here on out. 


If you have yet to adopt, how do you anticipate building a relationship with the birth-mother? How important do you perceive the relationship between you and birth-mother to be throughout the entire process that is adoption (pre-placement, placement, post-placement)?
We anticipate building a relationship with the birth-mother with lots of talking and visiting. We want her to know us and to feel comfortable about her decision to place her baby with our family. She is making the biggest sacrifice anyone could ever make and we want her to know, without a doubt, that she is placing her baby with a family that she feels good about. 


For any young woman considering placing her child for adoption, and who is reading this right now, what do you want to say to her?
We would like her to know that we pray for her every single day. We know that the decision to place is not an easy one and we respect her for considering all her options. We want her to know that the future is bright. 


Do you have a blog that you would like to share with those reading this today? If so, what is the address of your blog?
www.ourcircleisntcomplete.blogspot.com

The English Major

Meditative Musings

I've been feeling very like... out of control lately.  And when I say out of control, I don't mean it in the way that at any moment I could do something reckless and stupid.  I mean it in the sense that... I don't feel like I have any control in my day-to-day life.  This post has so much potential to sound like a pity-party festival... and I don't mean it that way at all.  

Every day, I go to work and my actions and involvement in my cases are simply reactive to the destruction of divorced couples towards each other and their children.  Mom doesn't want to take daughters glasses to school because dad won't return daughter's cell phone to her... clearly the two aren't relevant in their solutions of each other, but daughter is getting headaches everyday because she is straining her eyes all day at school.  So, I react to that and I mediate between mom and dad to come to a productive decision... and when that doesn't happen (which is most of the time) then I talk to my boss and she issues an Order of the Court, which I draft, have her sign, and send to the parents.  And then the parent who is ordered to do something calls me up in a rage and I battle it out verbally with them for half and hour.  Nothing changes, the parents are still just as angry at each other as the day they filed for divorce, and the order only makes them more difficult to work with the next time mine and my boss' involvement becomes necessary.  I do that, Monday through Friday, every week, from 9:00 a.m. until there are no more fires to put out.  

I also assist in the divorce mediations at the office that we do daily; I draft the stipulations as agreements are made.  One of the requirements for Utah State is that divorcing couples participate in mediation before the finality of the divorce; it's more economical and less time consuming for the courts if they don't have to divide the Real Property, belongings, debts, etc.  Also, if parent time is involved and needs to be calendared, you can get something decided that is more conducive for both parents and more creative than regular statue, which the courts would order if left to them.  This past week alone, I have been at the office till 10:00 p.m. twice because of a long mediation.

On Mondays and Wednesdays, I actually leave work early to go to my classes where I talk about literature for about 2.5 hours and then I go to math... which is horrifying no matter how you look at it.  And then for the rest of the week, the time in between sleeping, work, and school... I am studying.  I don't even have time to cook... or clean... my bedroom looks like a hurricane blew through it.  For my literature classes, I am reading 2 novels a week.  I don't go to church because on Sundays is when I get most of my reading done.  I literally walk around my apartment with two books in my hands, one in each, and I switch back and forth in the reading.  I drink directly out of the milk jug... as I continue to read.  I've had too many accidents with spilled milk to count.  

It's frustrating.  I don't feel like I have time to exist.  I miss the gym.  I miss my friends.  I miss my nieces and nephews.  I miss watching movies.  I miss seeing the outdoors on the weekend.  I miss driving just for the sake of taking a drive and falling in love with the mountains.  My therapist gave me an assignment to make a list of 40  things that make me and my life worthwhile, as well as to look up at the sky everyday for 5 minutes.  I haven't done either.  The only time I see the outdoors, it's night time.  

I was really stressed about all this the other night.  I had a goal to get another 4.0 this semester, and quite frankly, I don't know if it's going to be doable.  But, I'm not going to give up.  I came to the conclusion that I need to just do it.  Just do it.  No more contemplating my schedule, no more feeling like I don't have time to invest... especially in myself.  I have put the gym off this entire semester because I didn't feel like I had the time to dedicate to it.  If it came between sleep and gym, I didn't have time for either because I've had a book glued to my face.  I've felt like I have to let one thing go in order to nurture something else and that is a horrible feeling.  I laid awake in bed making mental lists of all the had to be done.  Have you guys seen the movie "I Don't Know How She Does It"?  The part where she is talking about the science study about mothers who have children between certain ages don't get any sleep and it was unknown why that is.  Sarah Jessica Parker's character is talking about this and then she answers this unknown by stating that they don't get any sleep because they are awake all night mentalizing their lists of things that have to get done.  It's a funny movie.  That's been me this entire semester.  I lay awake at night thinking about all that needs to get done, when I should be sleeping.  This is the circular thread my mind was weaving the other night as I laid in bed stressing over how I'm going to nurture all that I want to nurture.  And then the thought entered my mind,

"There is no acclimating yourself to life, you just jump in full force and do it.  Push yourself to your limits and then push more.  Just do it!  Now is the time to go all out and live for you."

That's the answer, folks.  I know that I'm not the only one who lays awake at night with mental lists and stressing over getting everything done that needs to get done.  I know that I'm not the only one with a stressful job that feels all-consuming.  I know I'm not the only single birth-mother who is working full-time and going to school with what feels like an un-manageble credit load.  I know that I'm not the only over-weight woman out there stressing about her health and how she is going to fit exercise into her daily life.  So, what is the answer?  Instead of thinking about the process, we've got to just jump into it.  

I know this years focus is Balance and yellow.  And... jumping into it feels more Red, but analyzing every step is Blue.  And so, for this moment, jumping in is the only way to Balance out every aspect of my life that I want to nurture.  Sometimes there is Balance in jumping in full force.  There definitely isn't any Balance to nourishing only one part of your life and letting the rest go to the wayside because there isn't time enough to dedicate to it all.  Just do it.  I'm gonna just do it.

New Look

Hello Dear Readers,

You've probably noticed that my blog is looking more and more different lately.  I think my desire to change it's look is slowing down... I may change the backdrop... I'm still contemplating.  Anyway, I wanted to point out some helpful resources for you all, though I'm sure you've already figured them out.  I've started to go back to label my past posts, so on the left panel you will see the labels that you can click on and it should bring up the posts that have those specific words in them.  I haven't completed the entire history of my posts, but I've made some good progress and plan on finishing soon.

Also on the left is a list of my most-read blog posts, so if you are new to my blog, I think these two resources will give you a good place to start to get familiar with the type of material I write about and that is closest to my heart.

I want to thank you all for your interest in what I have to say and your sharing of what you want to say and for helping to expand the knowledge of what open adoption is.  Please continue commenting and sharing what you have to share.  And, if you are new to my blog, warmest welcomes to you.

If there is something you want to ask me, or there is something you want to hear my thoughts on, or any input for the type of material you would like to see explored and discussed, then post it on the most recent blog post and we'll go from there.  I really would like to get this blog to a point where it is interactive and sharing of thoughts and ideas, rather than me just talking.  So, let me hear your feed-back.  I would really appreciate it.

Thank you so much!!

Other Mother

"I ain't got nothing but today and a whole lot of tomorrows"

The above quote is from a text I just got done reading for my Contemporary American Literature class.  It is from the book Down These Mean Streets by Piri Thomas which is an amazingly entertaining and gripping Autobiography of Mr. Thomas' life in Spanish Harlem.  This novel is amazing as is the author who just passed away last November.  Warning: If you are offended by harsh language and graphic details, this book is not the book for you.  Having said that, the language took getting used to and some of the graphic details were shocking to get through.

This book is about identity.  It's about one man's journey to declaring and accepting his identity, not for identification, but for self-creation.  There are so many quotes from this book that are truly beautiful.  The title of this blog is one of those quotes, another goes along well with it.  Piri Thomas was incarcerated for shooting a cop at a night club that he and his partners were robbing.  He was in prison for 6 years and when he was released and on parole, his parole officer warned him to cut all acquaintance with his old contacts.  Curiosity gets the better of Piri and he hits up his old friends.  One of them is a man addicted to Heroine and tweaks up in front of Piri, who is sober from the habit himself.  This old friend offers him a chance to shoot up and Piri declines.  Piri walks away from his friend and as he walked away, the thought occurred to him, "Everything happened yesterday... I was a kid yesterday and my whole world was yesterday.  I ain't got nothing but today and a whole lot of tomorrows."

Piri grew up fast, joining gangs when he was 12 and starting drugs at 14 and robbing his first business as a 14-15 year old.  He left home when he was 17 and lived the next near-decade of his life in anger and hate.  As a 20 year old he became a career criminal and made his living off of pushing drugs to buyers.  He became hooked on the substance he pushed and it was all downhill from there.  He survived withdrawals and became sober only to move in to the work of armed-robbery to make his living.  It was at this point, after some successful robberies that he shot a cop and was incarcerated.

His time in prison was filled with education, both scholarly, and self-evaluative.  It was in prison that he claimed his identity and his life turned around.  When he was released, he turned his life to God and to service.  It was hard to get to where he got because he he constantly doubted himself and if he was capable of moving forward.  That's the point of this blog post.

We all have yesterdays.  Some of our yesterdays are really hard to let go of.  Yesterdays are what-ifs in disguise.  Yesterday is "yesterday"... meaning, a day since past.  Not everything from our yesterday can be so easily discarded and let go of, and perhaps not everything should be "moved on from"; that is left to your discretion.  The point is, all we have is "today and a whole lot of tomorrows", so let's not waste them on the yesterdays we can let go and the what-ifs that "are nots".  Another quote I love, "If it's important, you'll find a way.  If it's not, you'll find an excuse."  Let go of the excuses and find the way for the importants.  "Todays" and "Tomorrows" are blessed things because within them both lays opportunity of our making.  So make it happen.

A Trip Back in Time... Also Known As 'Down Memory Lane'

I've been thinking about the past a lot lately and where I used to be and where I am now and I've been reading through some old posts of mine and I came across a post written in January 2011, so, barely over 1 year ago.  The post is "Feeling the Need to Speak" and it was written on January 18, 2011.  I remember this time vividly, it's a time that my memory visits often.  Things at that point were sunlight wonderful.  Do you know what I mean by that?  When I was a child and it was winter time and I was cold, I would curl up on the floor beneath a window and the sunlight the streamed into the window warmed the part of carpet it fell upon, and there I was in the streaming sunlight and it warmed me to my core and it was such a comforting feeling.  I remember that kind of warmth so well.  That's what I mean when I say sunlight wonderful.  


At the time this post was written, I felt like everything was "happening".  Having said that, I was also cautious of the "happening"... I had this constant nagging in the back of my overly active imagination that kept telling me that I was living a lie and that I wasn't good enough for what was happening and that if people really knew me, they would know that I didn't deserve what I had.  Isn't that horrible?  At that time I wouldn't acknowledge that fear because I didn't want it to be a fear of mine... I didn't want that fear to belong to me and be a part of me.  


In that post I wrote something that stood out to me today.  I wrote, "... I focused on what kind of mother I want to be; and that woman is fearless.  I should explain my interpretation of that word.  Fearlessness to me is not the absence of fear itself, rather it's the presence of fear and still choosing to live your life out loud despite being surrounded by the things that you are afraid of.  Fearlessness is choosing to live life especially when in the midst of the unknown." 


What stuck out to me from that past post was that- at the time- even though I felt like I was capable of saying those words and that the theory behind those words was deserving, I still didn't know if I was truly capable of ever becoming that woman.  "Fearlessness is choosing to live life especially when in the midst of the unknown." Everything about "now" is unknown to me... that's an hyperbole.  I know that today is Thursday.  I know that I my left eye is twitching and it's annoying.  I know that it's winter, only there is no snow on the ground.  Not everything is unknown... but the big things, the things that are important to me and that I strive to achieve and the people that I love that things are complicated with... the outcome of these major parts of my life are "unknown"... unknown in the way that the outcome of these specifics are out of my control


There is one specific desire of my heart that is surrounded in complication and I'm afraid of what the outcome could not be.  Having said this, I'm not going to give up on the "hope" of it.  And that's the point I'm trying to make.  Life can feel unbearable when you are surrounded by the unknown regarding the desires closest to your heart and soul... and it can be scary to want to continue to try, and that's the point.  You've got to keep trying.  If it is important to you, then you've got to keep trying and you've got to let go of the control, and you've got to let the unknown unravel as it will and you've got to adapt to it and you've got to live the new story. 


I'm this woman.  The words that I wrote a little over 1 year ago that I didn't think I could become... I'm that woman.  I'm a strong woman and I am fearless because I choose to live with the unknown instead of hide from it.  We all are this person, we just need to believe it.

Hopeful Adoptive Family: Walker Family Spotlight

**How did you meet your spouse?  How long did you both date before you decided to get married?  How long have you been married?**

Steve and I met online actually! I was on love@aol.com (now match.com) and he was one of my "pics" of the week. My first thought when I saw his face was, "He has cheeks like mine!" I "winked" at him to let him know I thought he was cute. His profile headline was, "Are you looking for your prince?" He had me as his "pic of the week" too and had saved me under his "hot" list (lol). We emailed for about three weeks and then he called me (I was about to get my car washed and had like five minutes to talk). We had our first date on March 6, 2004 and it was an instant connection.

We wanted to start off as church buddies, since he wasn't sure if he was ready for a relationship. Our friendship progressed to a deeper connection and we felt like we had known each other for years, when it was only a month!

Our first date started with going to mass, then we went back to his apartment and made dinner together and then we looked through pictures and videos of his friends and family. It was the greatest date of my life.

We have been inseparable since March of 2004 until present. Steve asked me to marry him on September 17, 2005 while we were camping with some friends. We got married in the Bahamas (barefoot on the beach) on July 8, 2006. This past July we celebrated five amazing years together.

**What was the first thing you really came to appreciate about your spouse and why was that quality/characteristic important to you [if the ladies of the couple are answering this, then grab your husband's and have them answer it for you as well ;)  ]?**

I appreciate so much about Steve, it's hard to pick just one. If I did have to pick one quality/characteristic that I value most, it'd be his ability and willingness to communicate. I feel very strongly about communication being the key to all successful relationships. Steve is open, honest, and values our relationship. We don't fight. We might have a disagreement, but we always talk it out and in the end, we can agree to disagree, but we never fight. We both feel that what we have is too important and we don't sweat the small stuff.

Steve says that he appreciates my humor and ability to laugh at things. He likes that I don't take things too seriously, I'm low-maintenance, and I'm fun to be around. 

**Do you have any current family traditions that you celebrate as a family?  If so, how did these traditions begin?**

We celebrate Gus's Adoption Day (April 15) every year, as it's a very special day for us as a family. Last year we celebrated by going to a pottery place and we painted a platter and put our handprints on it. It's beautiful. Not sure what we'll do this year, but it'll be special and something we do together as a family (and just us).

We also go up to Michigan twice a year (the months always change). We go up to see my side of our family, and Gus's side of our family. We're hoping to start a tradition this year, of going up and doing a camping trip with all of my side of our family (my brothers and their families, and my parents). It should be really fun for Gus to spend great time with his cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents.

**If you currently have children, how many children do you have right?  Are they biological?  Are they adopted?**

We have one son, Gus. He was born on May 11, 2010 and he's adopted. He's the love of my life and the answer to so many prayers. He's special for so many reasons and is loved by all who meet him. He's got a dazzling personality and is just completely delightful to be around. He brightens each day and brings a smile to my face just thinking about him.

**If not already explained, how did you come to the decision to adopt?**

I always wanted to adopt. My mom was in an orphanage for a brief time as a child and it always perplexed me as to how she (being as amazing and wonderful as she is) could be looked over by anyone. So, it was always something I wanted to do when I was older.

When Steve and I got married and started trying to start a family, we were faced with four years of agony. I never stressed too much about it because I knew adoption was something I wanted to do anyway, but I had wanted to have biological children first and adopt second. God had a different plan.

One day after school, my room mom came to see how I was. She and I got to talking and she asked about my family and if I had any kids. I shared with her our struggle with infertility and she shared that she and her husband had adopted their youngest daughter. She gave me the name of her agency and I shared her info with Steve while we were celebrating our 3rd anniversary at the beach.

Steve wasn't ready to start the process until that October. It took him three months of praying and thinking about it before he was ready. When he was ready we started the paperwork.

**How has your experience in the world of adoption mirrored or changed your expectation of adoption?**

I didn't really know what to expect. We were told that we wouldn't be able to adopt a healthy child and to expect a child born addicted to something. We were told that we'd probably not be adopting a Caucasian child and to be prepared and ready for an interracial adoption. We were told that birth fathers are not in the picture ever... So be prepared to only deal with the birth mother.

Everything that we were told was the opposite. Our son is Caucasian (blonde hair and blue eyed), he was born to a mother who never used any drugs and didn't drink while pregnant. Our son has a birth mother and father (who are still together) and they BOTH love him and are active in his life.

I don't know if we're living the exception to the rule, but we have an incredible open adoption and hope to have something as great for the second time around.

**If you currently have children who are adopted, what is your current relationship with the birth-mothers/birth-families of your children?**

Because we live in another state from them, we don't see them as much as we'd like. That being said, we don't see our own families as much as we'd like, and we try to keep ALL sides of our family as connected to us as possible.

I think we're pretty lucky to have them as part of our family. Both sides of Gus's side of our family have welcomed us into their family, and genuinely care about us. We genuinely care about them as well.

When we head to MI, we see my side of our family, and Gus's side of our family. We include them in all aspects of our life.

Gus has a Facebook page and it's for all sides of his family. My side, Steve's side, and his biological side. They get to see pictures at the same time as everyone else.

I send weekly texts with pictures to everyone, we send presents and pictures, and they're no less important to us than our own parents. They send us gifts too and it's very sweet.

We feel so fortunate to have so many people love our son. He will never have to wonder where he comes from, what roots he has, or doubt if anyone loves him.

**If you currently have children who are adopted, do you have any traditions that their birth-mother's share in on?  If so, what are they?  (eg., my adoptive couple gives me an ornament every year with a picture of Baby Boy in it, and I love it and appreciate it so much).**

We try to make it to MI each year around his birthday so that we can celebrate his birth together (all of us) as a complete family. He got to sit on his birth mom's lap and blow out his candle last year and open presents while sitting on her lap. It was the most amazing day.

I send her something each year for Birth Mother's Day (the Saturday before Mother's Day Sunday).

Each year, just after his birthday, I make a video of pictures of Gus throughout the year. I always send her (and his birth father) a copy so they can see him change before their eyes (since they're not here to see it in person).

We send Christmas gifts. Each year I do something with his hand/foot prints and send it to them.

**How do you define open adoption?  What is open adoption to you?**

Open adoption is when everything is out in the open. There's nothing hidden and everyone is fully aware of the intentions, expectations, and realities of adoption. It's face-to-face visits, pictures, cards, letters, text messages, and correspondence that's not done through a facilitator.

To me, open adoption is everything. It's giving my child their future and their past all in one. It's making sure that when questions arise, we have a way to get answers. It's for the child COMPLETELY. It might be hard, and often it is, but ultimately, it's for the benefit of the child involved-- because THEY didn't ask to be born, and THEY didn't ask to be adopted. They deserve to have the best of all worlds... One where they know their story, they understand it, and they appreciate the choice their birth parents made for them to have the life that they have.

Anything but open adoption is cruel (in my opinion). I think there are circumstances where it's in the best interest of the child to not have a connection to their birth family, but it's still cruel to deny them the ability to know where they come from. It's cruel to deny the extended family the right to know the child that their family member decided to place for adoption.

With open adoption, everyone wins. Everyone.

**What would your ideal relationship with "your" birth-mother be, pre-placement?  (Would you like to attend Dr. appointments with her, have her to Sunday dinners, get together on a monthly basis for a movie, &etc?  How involved would you, ideally, like to be involved, &etc.)**

We're talking ideal... So in my ideal world, I'd love to attend appointments, be there when the baby is born, and have this great relationship. However, it's not ever going to happen. I'd be so afraid to get "sucked in" and committed and excited to be a mom again, and I'd worry that it'd all be gone with a change of mind. I'd be afraid that the birth mother would decide to parent and I'd be devastated that I invested so much hope in the relationship.

I almost feel like birth mothers should not "match" with a family until after the baby is born, and she's 100000% certain that placement is what she wants to do.

But in an ideal world, I'd love a birth mom to trust us, open her life to us, and connect with us. I'd love to have a birth mom share her story with us and continue with it after the baby is born. I'd love to have her be the intricate part of our family that she should be.

**If you already have adopted children, in your experience, what part of the adoption process (pre-placement, placement, post-placement) have you found to be the most important to the building of the relationship between you and the birth-mother?**

We didn't find out about Gus until May 3, 2010. We had exactly one week from the time that we were "matched" with his birth family, to when he was born. In that time, we never talked to his birth mom or dad. We only talked to her aunt (she worked with my cousin and the two of them brought us together). It was so scary to not have any details worked out, to not know what she was thinking/feeling. I was so worried that she was going to change her mind, I didn't allow myself to get attached.

I think post-placement has been where the most growth has taken place with us and his birth mother and father (more so with his birth mom). We are Facebook friends with her and share pictures and she comments on them. She's opened up more and more as more time has gone by and it's been such a blessing.

She just sent us a package with a Valentine's Day card for our family, two stuffed frogs for Gus, and then she had one of her friends (he's in art school) hand draw a picture of our family. She had it framed and sent it to us. It was so unexpected and thoughtful. Our relationship has come a long way and it's only getting better and better.

**For any young woman considering placing her child for adoption, and who is reading this right now, what do you want to say to her?**

It's so important that you follow your instincts and your heart. Don't do anything that you're not 100% comfortable doing. Deciding to place your child for adoption is the most agonizing decision you'll ever have to make, don't go into it lightly. Take the time to really determine what's most important to you and find what you think is the best possible connection with a family.

Don't let anyone pressure you into adoption. It's something that you'll always regret if you're not 100% certain. If you have doubts or hesitations, don't enter into something that will affect everyone involved. Adoption isn't for everyone, but neither is parenting.

You really need to make a list of pros and cons and trust yourself. If you decide that adoption is the right choice for your baby, go into it with an open heart, and really allow yourself to find the right people to raise your baby. Find people who will include you in your child's life. Be up front and honest, and speak your wishes.

Make sure that the family that you choose, values YOU, and isn't just saying what they think you want to hear. When you find the right family, you'll know it.

No matter what decision you make, you have to think about what's the best thing for your baby. I think OPEN adoption is the best of both worlds, but it's not for everyone. Good luck with your decision and keep an open mind. There are thousands of people looking to adopt an infant... Only one of them will be the right match for you. Decide what you'd ideally want your baby to have, and if you can't give them what they deserve, find a family who can.

Lastly, if you decide to place your baby for adoption, be PROUD of yourself. Don't beat yourself up, or think anything negative about yourself. You are ALWAYS going to be that baby's mom and whether or not your raise them, you will always be a significant part of the person that they become. The decision to place them into the arms of another person, is the most selfless thing that you can do. To decide that you cannot give your baby what you think they deserve, is the ultimate sacrifice. You should hold your head high and know that you're special, you're important, and you matter to that baby.

**Do you have a blog that you would like to share with those reading this today?  If so, what is the address of your blog?**

We do! We have an adoption blog and we're on hopingtoadopt.org and have a profile on there as well.

Here We Go Again (Our adoption blog): http://walkersadopt.blogspot.com/

Hoping to Adopt (Our profile page): http://www.hopingtoadopt.org/index.php/family/letters/448

Thank you!!!
Cathy