Practice makes Perfect, even when it's extreme

I've been thinking a lot about some thing's that I've posted and the power that they've had over me. I have this habit of sometimes saying things that are too brave for how. I think I do this because I've always been one to rely on myself, which is all well and dandy to an extent, except for when you are hurting and you say you're alright so you don't worry those who care about you. That's how the old Kathryn used to live. She was always concerned for other's at the expense of herself. She always viewed pain and frustration as weakness and then she placed her child for adoption and part of her died. That same part that died has now been reborn and she, I, am more aware of my words and what I say to other's. Sometimes, I say things that are too brave for how I feel.

In one of my previous posts I mentioned that I am no longer afraid to succeed. I've been thinking about that since I posted it, trying to wrap my mind around what those words actually mean. They mean a lot. They are a little scary, too. I am so excited for 2010, there is a lot I want to accomplish by my new birthday. I have two birthday's now, my date of birth is in February, and my date of rebirth is November 13, the day an angel entered my life and taught me what it is to really live. I feel so hopeful now and that's so exciting, but at the same time, this hope is so new that it intimidates me.

"I am no longer afraid to succeed." I have to keep saying it in my head so that I can figure out whether or not I believe those words. I do believe those words. The next step, the acting on those words, is what's got me nervous now. It's beginning to dawn on me exactly how poor my self-esteem was in my former self. I always knew that my self-image was lacking severely, but, I never realized how self-destructive my inability to believe in myself really was. I fully understand it now and I'm grateful for the enlightenment. Now I just need to act on it. So, I've come up with a plan. This next year I am going to choose something in every major area in my life that I would like to improve on and work on it. The first area in which I would like to improve is an easy one for me to recognize. I want to get into shape. I'm not in the greatest shape and it's something that I've been wanting to fix for a long time now, and actually became religious about achieving before I was pregnant. I was always too busy to go to the gym, and it was true. Between work and baby daddy, I never had a second to myself, but it was also because I didn't value myself as someone important enough to make time for. The beauty of my life now, is, I really have all the time in the world before and after work. That being said, my dear faithful friends, I am making a commitment to myself and I am sharing it with you and will give you updates on how it all is working out, that way, in a sense, I have someone to answer to when I'm not living up to my expectations.

My fitness schedule for the week will be:

Monday: Cycling class at local gym at 6 a.m., protein shake for breakfast, lunch- salad with chicken cubes and piece of whole wheat bread, dinner- salad and chicken. Bed by 10 p.m.

Tuesday: Protein shake for breakfast, lunch- salad with chicken cubes and piece of whole wheat bread, arm and core strengthening exercise in the evening, dinner- salad and chicken/salmon. Bed by 10 p.m.

Wedensay: Cycling class at local gym at 6 a.m., protein shake for breakfast, lunch- salad with chicken and whole wheat piece of bread, dinner- salad and chicken. Bed by 10 p.m.

Thursday: Protein shake for breakfast, lunch- salad with chicken and piece of whole wheat bread, arm and core strengthening exercise in the evening, dinner- salad and chicken/salmon. Bed by 10 p.m.

Friday: Protein shake for breakfast, lunch- salad with chicken and piece of whole wheat bread, dinner- salad and chicken/salmon, PLAY DAY!!!... or laundry, whatever is needed most.

Saturday: Protein shake for breakfast, cycling class at local gym at 9:15 a.m, lunch- salad with chicken and piece of whole wheat bread, arm and core strengthening exercise in the evening, dinner- salad and chicken/salmon. Laundry if not done the night before.

Sunday: Protein shake for breakfast, get my religion on, lunch- salad with chicken and piece of whole wheat bread, dinner- potatoes or various other vegetables and chicken/salmon.

Pretty mundane and more active than I've been in a long while, but definitely doable. I'm excited which means I know I can have success with this plan. But, the biggest change which is going to be the most difficult to stick with, is no more caffeine. All of this I am going to start one week from today. The only reason behind this is because I have to go to a beginner's cycling class before I am allowed to go to the regular one, which I missed tonight because I didn't know it was tonight, but they have another one on Saturday, so I will go to that one instead. All in all I am very excited about this because it will be a welcome change to the last year, pretty much, where I hermitized myself in my apartment because I was scared to be recognized as being pregnant and not married. All lame fear in retrospect, but it's done with. So, starting on Fridays/Saturdays, from here on out, one of the things I will be reporting on will be my progress.

My mantra for 2010 is, "I will succeed because I am no longer afraid of my own success." Good night everyone. Let 2010 be the year you find success, I know it will be for me.