I was going to post this big post, but I got part way through it and I decided I wanted to open it up to you fine people. I will preface it by giving you a brief explanation of where it came from. As you all know, I've been focusing on finding balance in 2012. I've recently been faced with the understanding that something I've been working through, that is near and dear to my heart, cannot be resolved through balance. I've been obsessively focusing on and trying to find balance in this situation and as I was laying in bed at 4:00 o'clock this morning... obsessing about how to resolve this "thing" in my life, it occurred to me that, for right now, there is no balance. So, I can keep obsessing over it and slowly driving myself insane or I can make a decision for one way or the other and then deal with the ramifications from there forward and work to find balance in whatever comes. So, that's where this post comes from.
What are your thoughts on this? Have you ever thought much about it? Simply, I feel that it's in those times of our lives where we can't find balance, that we need to make a decision. It's in these moments that our life is transitioning in to the next phase. For me, it's kind of like that idea that our trials grow us for the change that is to come. Perhaps, the inability to find the balance is the challenge, and through the difficulty of declaring a decision, that is our growth for change. What are your thoughts on this? I really hope those of you out there who have been reading and checking in on me from time to time, that you'll share your thoughts on this. I learn so much from you all, from the personal e-mails I've received from some of you, to the tender-hearted comments I've been left. Please share with me and let's get some dialogue going back and forth.
Sincerely,
Other Mother/Kathryn
The thing that comes to mind with this post is that when I was going to counseling that the adoption counselor brought up quite often that I seemed to have a hard time accepting things as they were. She always said there was a difference between not liking something but being okay and moving on compared to being stuck in the grief of not accepting things as they were. When it comes to adoption loss... I don't know if I could ever just accept that adoption was suppose to happen and the best thing for my daughter.
ReplyDeleteI wish you the best of luck for you to find that balance or whatever it is that you are searching for. I look back at my early years of being a birthmom and wonder how I ever made it out alive. Also, I look back on the couple years after I found my daughter's pictures in a yearbook and for the first time thinking of her as a young lady compared to "the baby" and wonder how I ever made it out alive again. If you ever just really need someone that can listen to you that has been there please know that even though we are in much different stages of life as birthmom that I really understand your pain.
Thank you so much. I like what you said about "accepting things as they were." There is balance in that, very much so. It is maddening to continuously dissect everything that has already happened. Although, I do think it is necessary to talk about it in the open because, for me anyway, talking about it helps me to understand it. I hope that you will continue to share what you've learned with all those who read this blog, as well as myself. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteYour welcome. I try to offer as much advice and support as possible. Those in open adoptions are so different than my experience.
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