Dear God,
I don't understand you. I'd like to but you make it difficult for me to believe the plan you have for me. I know we haven't always been on the best terms and I know that I am stubborn but this couldn't be what you had in store for me. I believe in you and you believe in me too, but I wish that you wouldn't think me so capable to survive the things you put me through, so please, what is it that I'm not seeing? I won't survive another of your lessons, so please God, what is it I'm missing? You've blessed me with a glimpse of your heaven and it's everything I've always wanted but never thought could be mine and then like a thief in the night it's stolen from my sight and I'm left longing for the memory that is oxygen to this suffocation you call life. And I'm tired. Each night in my sleep I am shown the end of my grief and he is beautiful and I remember why all the pain is worth it and then the morning steals away my dreams and my soul decays with each added moment of the day and the heaven that was in my dream seems so far away. And I'm tired and afraid to sleep because when I wake I no longer feel safe in the morning's light. I want my family- those angels you show me in my dreams... if that's the end prize then I will put up my best fight in order to survive, but it'll come at a cost that is too scary to imagine so please, let me feel your heaven again because this world is wrong and hard to belong to. My dreams are in your hands and I'm trying hard to believe in your plan and I may not get each day right, but I'm trying my hardest to find your light in this world's endless night... help me get this right.
Sincerely,
A Birth Mother
Copyright Other Mother
((hugs))
ReplyDeleteIncredible. Your emotion is deeply rooted in this post, and it was incredible to read. I tried to share similar feelings, only on the infertility side, but this post is just powerful. Thanks for sharing your story. You give me hope.
ReplyDeletethank you both.
ReplyDelete