2013 - The Year of Fullness

The color for 2013 is pink.  I've thought long and hard about how I want to talk about pink and what pink means to me.  When I think of pink I think of softness and I also think of vibrant power.  Pink is an interesting color for me.  I never liked it in my early adult years.  I remember when I was a child I was obsessed with Hot Pink.  I wanted to be a rock-star with the name Hot Pink, but then when I got into my pre-teens and teenage years, I was embarrassed by the color pink in all it's shades, and instead became obsessed with the color black (so original, I know, you never see an angry teen wearing black and condemning the world for it's injustice... I was a total trailblazer).

It wasn't until I became pregnant that I started really loving the softness of pink, maybe it was hormones, maybe it was something else, I have no clue.  Though in my heart I know it had a lot to do with honesty, which is something else Pink is.... honest.  It is the blush of a cheek that can't be hidden.  Leading up to my pregnancy.  And since then, I've slipped back into the habit of hiding.  When I told my family I was pregnant, my biggest secret was out in the open and it was a relief.  Pink is honesty and relief.

When I think of pink now, I think of it in terms of what it is made up of.  And that's where things get real fascinating  As any child learns in school when mixing paint color, in order to get pink you have to mix red and white.  How much red you use determines the depth of color.  Red and white are very differing colors.  Red is the color of emotion: passion, anger, humiliation, power/authority, shame, etc.  Red suggests a strong personality and presence; it asserts itself.  White, on the other hand, is the color of peace, purity, cleanliness, humility, transition, innocence, morality, etc.  White suggests everything that Red does not.  What an interesting contradiction, and this contradiction has found it's home in Pink.

Pink is the balance between Red's authority and White's submission.  Pink is easily associated with anything female-related.  Pink is caring and nurturing, it houses passion but with reservation.  Pink knows the boundaries.  Pink can swell up with emotion, but can also quiet down with soft confidence.  Pink also symbolizes trust.  Pink stones, when used in stone therapy, are used for calming feelings and neutralizing disorder.  The quality of energy in pink stones is very much determined by how much Red is present, in comparison to White.  It is in this regard that Red and White work together; White promoting fullness, and Red being the catalyst to achieve fullness.

I think back on my experiences and I've never been one to allow myself to be vulnerable in a healthy way.  What I'm learning about femininity is that it is vulnerable, but in a strengthening way.  I want so badly to be in a relationship that is healthy and safe and special and perfect for me and whoever "he" ends up being.  My vulnerability lays within that desire.  I'm ready to find my husband and to build my family with him... "our" family.  In looking back at my past relationships and the pain they've caused me and in asking myself some very hard questions lately as to how I came to be in those relationships... what I've learned is that the way I make myself vulnerable to these "men", is by having no feminine authority in myself.  I let them take control and I match what they show me.  I hope that makes sense.  That hasn't worked for so I'm not going to do that anymore.

Pink has nothing to do with trusting men or belittling them.  Pink has everything to do with a woman trusting herself and being confident in herself.  If a woman can trust herself and her feminine instinct then she can achieve fullness in every aspect of her life.  It's okay to have authority.  Vulnerability has nothing to do with hoping you are good enough for someone else.  Vulnerability.... healthy vulnerability is being honest with those you are considering a relationship with.  Letting them know what you've experienced and letting them know what you don't want and if that's what you are shown then you'll walk away.  And then letting them prove themselves to you... not bending over backwards proving yourself to them, because you've already been honest in your expectations.  Vulnerability is about not hiding what you've learned, but still trusting that you can find what you want, all while remaining true to your truth, and not submitting to anything less.  To do this, you need to be an authority of yourself, you need to be more red than white... but you need to let white be your balance.

And this is what 2013 is about for me.  Finding fullness in all my relationships.  Letting people prove themselves to me and standing up for whether or not what they are proving is working for my life dynamic or not.  It has nothing to do with being judgmental.  It has everything to do with being an authority of my own life and actively deciding who will be a part of it.  I've been through Hell and back more times than I wish to consider... but that's because I didn't trust my own instinct and I had one-million-and-one reasons to justify away my gut feelings.  I have actively gotten myself to where I am and that's the Red in me talking.  The White in me is telling me to be compassionate towards myself and let the lesson be just that, an invaluable lesson.  The Pink is whispering to my heart to trust myself because I know what I'm doing, I just need to believe it.  I can have fullness in life and this year is going to be the year to understand that.

In summary, Pink and 2013 are for finding and nurturing:
-my life energy and purpose
-the encouragement of my individual confidence
-the eradication of dysfunction and disorder from my life
-balanced happiness
-self-trust
-individual instinct
-proper expression of emotion
-feminine acceptance
-protected vulnerability
-balanced authority

I'm ready.