"Strive to be Happy"

Something is brewing in me that I've wanted to write about the last few weeks, but I need to let it steep for a little longer so I know how to express it.  Let me start off by saying that my heart is so full right now.  I am in such a great place right now, emotionally speaking.  That's not to say that things aren't difficult right now, just I'm at a place where I've never been before; a place where I am learning how to separate myself in a good way from the stress.  I still experience the stress, but it doesn't become me.  


I have this friend named Chris.  I've known him since I was in middle-school.  He's a chill dude.  He's the one who got me curious about looking into Buddhism, which I've only dabbled in the research really.  Today, out of the blue- I haven't talked to him for a long while- Chris sent me an e-mail on my Facebook.  He said, "One of my favorite poems... thought I'd share."  The poem that he sent me is below.  


As I read the poem, my eyes began to water and my heart began to pound in the way when you are inspired.  And it's made me think about where I am right now... this place that I'm in now where I am starting to recognize myself, this girl who is no longer a girl-child, but a woman, and someone I've been wanting to meet for a while now.  In this woman there are glimpses of me and who I used to be and there are glimpses of the woman I want to be and am becoming... and it's awesome.  It's amazing how you can find yourself when you are no longer hiding from everyone.  It's amazing how you become who you are naturally to become when you set the boundaries in your life that need to be set so that you have a chance to live and live in a way that is your creation and not just what makes everyone around you feel comfortable. That life- living for other's- it's not a life, it creates insanity.  


For a long time I've been in a haze... since before Baby Boy was conceived... I was floundering and trying to find that balance between who I felt/feel I was/am and the person that other people wanted me to be.  I can't even describe to you the kind of crazy that living that way built up in me.  I can't begin to describe to you the kind of distrust that living that way nurtured in me.  I can't begin to explain to you how lost I've been... and now, the haze is clearing... and I don't feel crazy anymore and that's... joyous.  It's scary when you feel like you are slowly going insane, only you have to hide it.  And now, I'm seeing life more clearly and it's beautiful.  And I'm calm for the first time in so many years... I'm talking more than a decade here in terms of the years I'm talking about.  


The poem below expresses this calm that I'm talking about.  The poem below expresses the quiet truth that is building in me and replacing the distrust.  It describes the soft pride and honor that I feel is replacing the crazy that scared me for so long.  The poem below describes the connection with the earth that I feel... the sense of grounding I feel now, where in it's place I was once a gypsy just floating from place to place, both emotionally and physically, all the while looking for my heart and that place where I hoped to feel whole.  I am "a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars" and I "have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to [me], no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should."  The power in that acceptance is unreal and yet so completely real and honest in it's truth.  And that truth leads to a delicately secure trust that I can let things happen as they will and make my choices based upon my truth and in that peace, all the sorrow and let-downs of the world remain quieter than they have in years; they are no longer the focus, rather the background noise to the aspirations of my soul which will not lead me astray because they are good and honest and in that is joy.  What I've learned?  Our hearts are not found in other places, they are found within our self acceptance.  That's not to say you won't come across people and places that you feel so completely soul-compatible with because our nature as human beings is to connect and love and allow ourselves to be loved.  What I'm saying and what I finally understand is that... you and I won't find that until we find ourselves and our love and acceptance for ourselves.  I finally get it.  Better yet, for the first time in my life, accomplishing that feels totally doable.  Enjoy the poem.  I did.



Desiderata
by Max Ehrmann


Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.