“You'll get mixed up, of course, as you already know. You'll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go. So be sure when you step. Step with care and great tact and remember that Life's a Great Balancing Act. Just never forget to be dexterous and deft. And never mix up your right foot with your left.” - Dr. Seuss "Oh, The Places You'll Go"
As you know, for every New Year, instead of setting a whole bunch of resolutions, I focus on one major theme. I've been thinking a lot about the theme for 2012 and what it is I want to accomplish and work on. I've also been thinking of the color that I want to emulate 2012 after.
I had the wonderful opportunity to go into a Junior High School on December 17, 2011 to share my story as a birth mother with 13 and 14 year olds. It was such a wonderful experience and one that I was worried about going into because I wanted to leave these kids with the message that they can do anything they want with their life and they need to make those positive goals before they got out in to the real world and life becomes more complicated. My story as a birth mother and the issues surrounding baby daddy are quite fearsome and difficult and the one thing I thought back on during my pregnancy and then the two years, so far, after placement, was all the dreams and goals I had as a 14 year old. I remember them clear as day and I hold them with a sacredness in my heart. I've been blessed to remember back to these moments and feel that their memory has renewed me again.
Looking back over the last couple of years, I've learned so much and I'm grateful for the people I came in contact with and allowed myself to love because they taught me so much about myself. A lot of the lessons have been painful, but they led me to growth and acceptance, and I am so grateful for it all. I'm currently going through a difficulty right now that was born from my own decisions, as well as the choice actions of others, that have led to the consequence I am dealing with right now. How's that for being completely ambiguous while trying to express something to you? I'm not going to go in to detail of the events that led up to my current eye-opening consequence, because that's not what this blog is about. I only mention it because I have some serious anger in my heart towards one person specifically, and so much sorrow surrounding another specific person and... I'm tired of all the anger and sorrow and I feel like I've spent so much time over the last couple of years on these two emotions and I'm exhausted with these emotions. Which brings me to my next point.
I've decided that 2012 is going to be the year where I find Balance. When I think about balance, I feel warmth. When I think back to the moments when I've felt the most tangible kind of warmth in my heart, they are associated with the way the sun warms your skin and when I think of the sun, I think of the color yellow. I've never been one to actively seek out the color yellow. I've always been more of a blue-hued child, but I'm very excited about yellow. I've done some research on yellow and this is what I found.
Yellow can represent joy and delight. Isn't that a wonderful word? Delight. In Western culture, the color yellow symbolizes summertime. If you are a believer of inner energy, the color yellow represents the 3rd chakra of the body. Chakras are energy points of the body and the 3rd chakra is located in the center part of the body; the solar plexis region. I find the correlation with the solar plexis being the center of the body and the sun being the center of our solar system quite beautiful and symbolic for what I want to find in 2012, and that is balance and a sence of a centered self. Another thing I've thought about is the yellow light of a stop light. The yellow light is the middle ground of "stop" and "go"... it's a balance between two things.
I've noticed that the general theme I've had in my life is an "all or nothing" attitude, which isn't such a good theme I've started to notice. I believe an "all or nothing" mentality is beneficial when you have a short term goal in mind. But to live your life in such a way, every day, in every action... it's not beneficial, rather, it's damaging. And that's why I'm excited for this concept of balance. I believe that with balance, comes peace, and yellow has different hues. Yellow can be overpowering like direct sunlight, or it can be peaceful like a soft ray of light. One of my favorite glimpses of nature is a ray of sunlight breaking through storm clouds. That is so symbolic for what 2012 is going to be for me. I'm ready for the joy and delight of life; for the balance and peace of life. This year is going to be a beautiful one, I can feel it already.
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