Today is a sacred day. It is Father's Day. Like many other day's in America, today has taken on a highly commercialized and profitable industry. Sometimes it almost feels as though the day should be centered around the best gadget and who will get it for dad, or will dad instead get one of those horribly humiliating ties that will be stashed away in the back of the closet, only to be worn once- a year from now- when he is given another to replace it. My mind has been racing today with all sorts of emotions. I don't even know where to begin. Please forgive me if my rambling's seem insignificant or hard to follow... eventually, hopefully, a full-circle will be made, and what I am attempting to say will make sense.
My dad is the greatest dad any girl could ask for. He understands each of his children in a way I hope to one day understand my own children. I've learned many valuable things from my father like: how to start a camp fire with only one match, how to transplant flowers and keep them alive at the same time, how to whistle, and the importance of using proper grammar. That's just the beginning. There are specific moments in my life that will always stay with me and majority of them involve my dad.
When I was 10 my dad worked 70-80 hours a week in order to support his family. He also had cancer at this time and was having to go through treatment which was extremely exhausting for him. I remember one Saturday night, my mom took me and my sister to my dad's work so that the three of us could spend his break time with him. I was struggling with some bullies at school at this time and didn't know how to talk about it or what to do about it and I remember walking with my dad outside and he was asking me how I was and how school was going and I was giving him short answers, "fine," "good," "not much is new." He knew something was wrong because I wasn't as talkative as I usually acted and he was patient with me and let me tell him my struggles at my own pace. He never pushed the issue, but I remember after about 10 minutes of talking I finally opened up to my dad what was going on and I started to cry and he put his arm around me and we walked like that and he told me how much he loved me and how much my family loved me and how he would always be there to comfort me and pick me up when life was kicking me down. I felt safe and secure at that moment because I knew my dad was honest to his word and that he would never let me down and he never has let me down; he's always been there for me.
When I was 13 years old I spoke like a valley girl... you know, like... you know and whatever... like I said stuff like somethin' and whatever... you know? It was really obnoxious. It was so bad, I couldn't go more than 3 words without adding one of the above nonsensical words... it was that bad. Anyway, I was "talking" to my dad one day while we were out weeding the flower bed and I don't remember what it was that I was talking about, all I remember is that, to me at the time, it was important. When I finished what I was saying, I looked at my dad and asked him, "You know what I'm sayin'?" And he looked at me and said with a heavy sigh, "No. Honey, I have no idea what it is you are trying to say. I listened as hard as I could, and I have no idea what you are talking about. I would love to know what you are talking about because I can tell it's important to you, but I'm at a loss as to what you were trying to say." I was surprised. He went on to say something to the effect of, "Other Mother, the most important thing in this life, other than family, is your education and your ability to communicate. Your education and your ability to communicated effectively with other's is your ticket to greatness. You're better than somethin' and whatever'. You're better than, you know, the people out there who don't take advantage of the education they are receiving. You are better than what you are settling for... and, to be honest sweetheart, based on that conversation, I have no clue what it is you are settling for, but I don't like it because it's confusing." I remember that my feeling's weren't hurt by what he said because of how he said it, it wasn't degrading, it was truly confused, and I knew that what he was saying was right and from that day on I strived to communicate in a way that was understood and not confused. My ability to communicate is something that I know I'm strong with and I thank my father for the important lesson he taught me that day while we weeded the flower beds. But, mostly, I am thankful to him for not making me feel like an idiot when, truly, I was acting like an idiot.
When I was 16 years old I came home extremely late one night. I had had a flat tire and didn't know how to change it. Thankfully I came across a friend of mine who helped me, but the result was I got home much later than anticipated by my parent's and they were scared. I know what you are thinking, dear reader of mine, "Why didn't I call him on my cell phone?" Well, this was the dark ages, it was clear back in the year 2001 when teenagers didn't think it mandatory to be provided a cell phone by their parents... and so, I didn't have one. I got home and my parents were waiting and I explained to them what had happened. My dad flipped a gasket and yelled, "I better never hear of another person touching your tires!" I won't lie, I laughed at him... big mistake. I thought he was joking; turns out he wasn't joking... at all. I have my dad's temperment... and so, that night as we fought, neither one of us would back down and it progressively got worse and worse. The next day at school, I was so distraught because I kept playing over in my head the stupidity I displayed in arguing with my dad. It made me sick and I skipped out on one of my classes. When I tried to turn in a forged note the secretary (who, I'm convinced hated me)... she felt it necessary to call my dad to let him know I made it back from my doctor's appointment. I was in the office as she made the phone call and I remember hearing the words, "Oh, you mean you didn't sign this note excusing her from Algebra? Well, that's strange because I'm reading it clear as day and it is signed by you.... (eternal pause). Thank you for your time, you have a good day as well." The whole time, the secretary was staring at me with a look of accomplisment on her face and I sat there glaring at her. When I got up to leave she told me about detention and I told her that I look forward to spending more time with Mr. Nielsen and picking his brain about Beowulf as he happened to be my favorite teacher. I then asked her if she felt better about herself and then I walked off. When I got home that day I was horrified. I knew I let my dad down and I knew he would have a lot to say about it. I walked to his room and he was on a business call so, I waited patiently for him to be done. He sat on his bed and I remember looking at him and noticing for the first time ever, how tired he looked. We sat in silence for a while when he finally said, "Other Mother I've been thinking all day about our argument last night and it's made me sick to my stomach how we fought. I have been wondering to myself today how my behavior my affect you and your actions. I'm sorry for last night; I hope you'll forgive me. The saddest thing in this whole mess, Other Mother, is that you betrayed the trust of someone, and trust is the hardest thing to earn. You may never earn that woman's trust back, because you betrayed it, all you can do is try your hardest to gain it back and hope that you haven't broken her trust completely. I love you and I'm sorry about last night." I learned in that moment that trust is the hardest thing to earn and the easiest to break. I apologized to the secretary the next day and I told her that I understand she may never trust me again, but that I wasn't concerned about whether or not she trusted me because she obviously never did, seeming as she took it upon herself to make that phone call in the first place which wasn't a part of standard protocol and that I knew what standard protocol was as I was on office assistant for 8th period. I then thanked her for being the reason that mine and my dad's relationship was stronger that day than it was the day before.
When I was 22 year's old, both of my grandpa's died within 2 weeks of one another. It was a hard time. The hardest was the passing of my father's dad because there was a lot of family turmoil in my dad's family before his father passed away. His sibling's didn't want my family to come to the funeral, but we went anyway and it was very difficult. My dad got up and spoke and I will never forget the example that he was to me through his own difficulty. He apologized to his sibling's for any wrong he might have caused them. He told them that he didn't understand what went wrond or when that wrong occurred, but that if the anger that was directed towards him and his family was his wrong doing then he apologizes for all the hurt he caused. What you need to know about this situation is that my father was not in the wrong. In the mess that occurred before my grandfather's death, my father was not the antagonist. I'm not going to sit here and throw stones and say whose fault it was because... that's lame, but what I will say was that my father apologized for hurt he did not commit. Family is important to my dad. He's always lived his life as an example to his children that you do whatever you are capable of doing for your family when they need you. He raised his children to understand that "blood is thicker than water," and that all we can take with us when this life is over is familial connection. Family is all we have. Even though my father was not in the wrong, he apologized to his sibling's and let them know he will always love them and when they are ready to have him back in their life that he will be ready and waiting to be a part of their lives again.
I love my dad. He's the greatest example of good that I know. I wouldn't be who I am today without having his example throughout my entire life. There is no way I would have survived placing my baby boy in the care of a more capable family without the love of my family and specifically the love of my father. It is because of the love my father has given me throughout my life that I knew how important it was that my baby boy have a daddy, and a daddy was not something I could provide for him. Father's are irreplaceable. A father's presence, or lack there-of, in their child's life single-handedly can alter that child's life for the better or the worse. Fatherhood is sacred. Fatherhood cannot be replaced. Fatherhood is necessary for the healthy development of a child. I love my dad.
Happy Father's Day to all the father's out there.
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