Well, Looky Here

Dear reader: I keep doing this to you. I keep coming back and saying I'm back, disappear for a long time, and then come back and do it again. 

Would you believe me if I said I won't do it again? I hope you'll give me another chance. 

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I'm a worrier. And for the longest time I thought this blog had to be solely about adoption. That I couldn't post anything else unless it related to adoption. 

The thing with adoption, though, and being a birth-mother is that it's always a part of you. I don't know if I necessarily need to hyper-focus on it, but it does color everything I do in my life.

And there is so much to catch you all up on.

I think we all know that a pandemic is still going on, and monkeypox is now making her debut worldwide because girl can't be overshadowed in the global-pandemic-world of things. All it takes is a brief perusal of the World Health Organizations website to make you realize that coffee never lets you down and the world feels like a massive sh*t-show right now. Inflation (general hand gesture to the left), housing market and rising mortgage rates (general hand gesture to the right). It's stressful and it's frustrating. And the pandemic changed a lot of us. And I think a lot of us are burnt out, but that doesn't mean life takes a break. 

This all sounds horrible depressing. And, it kind of is, but also I think the last few years has shown all of us that we are a hell of a lot stronger than we may have ever given ourselves credit for. And we are still here. I know we've all learned a lot and our perspectives have changed. I know mine has on so many things. 

And, so I'm back. And I hope you'll give me another chance. This blog is going to be about everything relevant to life, and yes, being a birth mother colors a lot of how I interpret and internalize things. And I'll talk about that here. 

I'll also talk about coffee and my favorite protein coffee recipe that I have *mastered.* Truly. I'll even post a video of it because it's beautiful. For real. Have you ever just watched dairy/almond milk/whatever alternative base you use slowly seep into the decadent and luscious richness that is coffee... over ice? It's ridiculously mesmerizing and I'm here for it.

I'm going to also talk about where things are at with my adoption story. Can you believe it's been 13 years this November? I've wrestled a lot with who I am as a birth mom, who I want to be to that little guy I placed for adoption, and if I want to be someone to him at all. And, that's going to be discussed here as well. 

Also, crisis of faith. Because that's a dame that really knows how to interrupt a person's entire concept of self. So, why not give her the state too? It's going to get deep. This is my journal and you have been with me every step of the way, dear reader. There will be breaks from the depth. We'll come up for air from that vast emotional ocean of the soul. But, I hope you'll continue on the journey with me and comment and keep the discussions going with me... maybe over coffee, or a coke, or whatever your caffeine of choice is. 

Kindly, 

Other Mother

Prepare for Liftoff

It's been a long while since I last posted. There isn't a good way to try to explain all that has happened since I last posted in 2015, so for now this is a quick summary of what has changed in my life since then:

-I am married. I married the love of my life in December, 2015.
-I graduated from University with a Bachelors degree in English, Secondary Education
-I taught for 1 year after graduation in the cutest rural town in the middle of Utah and the 8th grade students I taught were the greatest ever. They are graduating this year, which is crazy to think about
-My husband and I moved to California and were jobless for 11 months, which was scary, but we got through it
-We moved from rural California to just outside the capital, Sacramento, and there are a lot of people here who drive all the time and I hate traffic
-We have great jobs here and live in a cute little 1-bedroom apartment. The cost of rent in California is exorbitant enough to gag a maggot and I actively try not to think about how much we pay for rent, but it's our home and we love it
-I worked for an incredibly abusive and inconsiderate jerk in the field of adoption law. I quick after I couldn't take his verbal and emotional abuse anymore and told him on my way out that he was the worst human being I've ever worked for and I hope he treats future employees better. So, that goes to say that I've learned to speak up for myself to employers whom I've always saw in a superior light to myself
-10 days after I unexpectedly quit my job, I landed the greatest job ever in a field I want to be my career (billing towards accounting/bookkeeping)
-3 months after I started working at this incredible job, Covid-19 hit the United States and it's changed everything
-2 months after Covid-19 hit the United States, it was spreading at such an alarming speed that the Governor of California issued a "Shelter-in-Place" order which basically means self-quarantining in the attempt to slow the spread of the virus. It was shortly after this that I was laid-off from my incredible job
-It's been 2 weeks to the day since I've been at home quarantining. The idea is to not go out unless you are doing necessary grocery shopping, picking up prescriptions, or getting out into the sun -- all of which you are to stay 6 feet away from the next person
-For the first time in my life, I've applied for unemployment. Thankfully, it is only temporary, as my employers expect to bring everyone back on when things go back to normal (though no one can say for sure when that will be)
-To keep myself busy, I re-arrange furniture and bake a lot. I'm cleaning all the time and on one hand I love this slower pace of life, but it's scary to be without the income that we need to get by. Millions of people across the globe are in this very same situation


I think that summarizes everything life, in general.


In regards to my adoption story:

-The child of my heart will be 10 years old this year. It is incredible that I'm so far down this journey so far. I remember when it was fresh and I couldn't comprehend getting to this place in time. And, here I am on the other side
-I talk on the phone with this child more frequently, which is lovely
-He wants to see me and my husband, which is beautiful and scary at the same time because what if I'm not what he thinks I am. That, and I know he has so many questions about why he was placed for adoption because he asks about it all the time on the phone. I tell him how much he's loved and how hard the decision was and that I'm going to answer all of his questions when we get together in July (which is the plan, depending on how Covid-19 goes)
-He likes cats and asks about my cat a lot and tells me about how he sticks up for the cats in his neighborhood from other boys who treat them unfairly -He is passionate about what's fair and I can tell he's already figuring out his moral code and he has incredible parents who are helping him and guiding him and that is everything that I wanted for him


Regarding this blog, I really don't know what is going to come from it. I've tried starting other blogs but can never get past the first post. This blog has so much of my history that I can't give up on it, but I've also adapted beyond obsessing about my adoption journey. I don't mean that in a negative way because for a while that was my whole life and I needed to obsess and feel every aspect of it to get to where I am today.

So, this blog is going to be about what goes on in my life, adoption thoughts included. If you feel like following along, that's awesome. If not, that's cool too. So, here we go. Prepare for liftoff.

Going Private

Everyone,

It has been forever since I've posted.  I have spent a lot of time thinking about this blog and what I want to do with it.  I've determined that I want to keep it because it is a huge part of my past and who I've become.  But, I'm also in a place in my life where I want to be more private about what I choose to share online, therefore this blog will be going private.

I truly don't even know how many people this blog reaches, but if you are interested in still following my blog then please let me know in a comment.  My goal is to privatize this in one week, so think about it and let me know by Wednesday, November 18, 2015.

Thank you for your loyalty.  Thank you for your encouragement and support.  I hope this blog has been a place of healing and perspective.  That was my intention from the beginning.  This truly has been a journey, and the journey is getting so much better day-by-day, which is why I'm becoming more protective of what I share.

Sincerely,
Me