It's been almost 6 months since I've written. And in those 6 months, University has continued to be my main focus in life. I'm officially in the Education Program this semester and it's been awesome. I'm taking Educational Psychology, Secondary Curriculum Instruction and Assessment (CIA, tee-hee), American Foundations of Education, Exceptional Students, and Methods II in teaching English. Yep, it's a heavy workload but it's been manageable. I've been creating curriculum right and left ll semester and have been analyzing my lesson plans to learn how they've been encouraging cognitive development for the age groups they've been created for. I've been learning some really amazing things in my Educational Psychology class and some of that stuff I'm going to share on this blog because they are too good not to share.
Carol Dweck is a Psychologist who devised a theory about fixed vs. growth intelligence mindsets. She wrote a book about it called Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. This entire theory is based on the concept that many students have that intelligence is something you are born with and therefore a person's intelligence is limited. So, if a student with this mindset struggles with math then they feel defeated because intelligence to them is a biological thing, therefore they will never understand math so why put in any effort? Carol Dweck says, however, that intelligence is not fixed (biological), but rather it is something that needs to be exercised and strengthened and able to grow. She did a study with students where she divided them into 2 groups. Group A was put through an intensive 8 week intervention program to boost their math scores that focused solely on teaching them study skills to help them find success in their math grades. And along with teaching Group A the study skills, she also taught them that intelligence can be expanded and that it is not fixed (biological). Group B had the same 8 week intervention program focusing on study skills, but were not taught fixed vs. growth intelligence theory. At the end of a couple of months, students from Group A (compared against students from Group B) showed improvement in their math grades. The only difference for these groups was the change in motivation that students experience in Group A because they were taught that their brain had the ability to grow in intelligence. It's quite fascinating. You can read more about this study by reading this article: http://news.stanford.edu/pr/2007/pr-dweck-020707.html
Why am I excited about this? Because this doesn't just apply to the adolescent mind. I probably didn't mention that the study Carol Dweck performed was on Jr. High students. How many times have you been faced with an experience you don't believe you can get through? I know I've faced so many of those moments that I can't count them. I want to say that I don't think that Carol Dweck's theory only applies to cognitive intelligence but also emotional intelligence. You always hear that saying, "God doesn't give you more than you can handle," but what if He does? I read another blog a while back and I can't for the life of me remember the name of the blog, so just realize that this idea is not original to me. This woman, in her blog, challenged the notion that we aren't given more in this life than we can handle. But it wasn't defeatist. She ended her blog by saying, essentially, that God does give us more than we can handle, but He does so that we will learn to turn to Him and let Him carry the part that we can't. That's pretty cool. I want to add to this that I think He does give us more than we can handle, because maybe that's the point of this existence; for us to learn the valuable life lessons that we would otherwise not learn unless faced with despair, trial, hopelessness, loss, anger, and etc. That sounds depressing and I don't mean for it to. All I am saying is that just like growth intelligence mindset (cognitively speaking), I also believe that we have a growth emotional-intelligence mindset.
Those of us in the Adoption community have faced hardship, and we continue to face hardships. You know what I'm talking about. As birth-mothers and birth-fathers (they matter too), and birth-families (grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.), we experience a great loss in the placement of our beloved child to another family; a family that will have complete legal authority for the child. As parents who are looking to adopt for reasons related to fertility, they've endured loss over and over again in their attempts to grow their family. I can't speak for adoptive children, because I'm not one, but I can only imagine some of the emotions they would face at different times in their lives, especially people who were placed for adoption during time-periods where adoption was closed and considered taboo. That kind of loss (for all of us) is deep and difficult to navigate, but we are navigating it and that is powerful. Don't limit yourself in the amazing things that you can accomplish, but most importantly don't doubt yourself in the emotional depth that you can achieve when you face something that feels too big. You can get through it. We all can.
Thursday, March 6, 2014
Monday, September 23, 2013
Light
I want to tell you all a story about goodness that exists in this world. It's a true story and one that is very close to my heart.
It was in May 2013 that I met Marvell Smith. I had just gotten out of an extremely bad relationship in December 2012 and I was pretty bitter. Marvell was a wedding photographer and I had become familiar with his work in 2012 when the guy I was dating at the time was talking about marriage. I was blown away by Marvell's photography. He captured moments, not images, but heartfelt and emotionally intimate moments. It was true art and not like any other wedding photographer I had ever seen. You can see it for yourself at his blog:
http://vellvetimages.com/#/home--utah-wedding-photographer/
I never messaged him about his photography, though. It wasn't until May 2013 that he and I started talking about getting to know each other. At this point, I was in a bad place. He was so nice and engaging and intriguing. I wanted to know more about him, but more than anything I really wanted to know a man that wouldn't let me down. Let me clarify that last statement. My brothers and dad are amazing men and they don't let me down. The type of relationship I'm talking about is outside of familial relationships. I don't have that much experience with good men outside of my family. Marvell surprised me because he was always uplifting.
In June 2013 we decided to go on a date. We had a really good time. It was really late, like after 9:00 at night when we had our date. I was a bundle of nerves. Borderline basket-case. When I got out of my car to walk up to Marvell, I didn't know if I could even look him in the eyes because... I was nervous of men. He smiled so big and his eyes were so kind. We talked a little bit. He was a master body language reader. As a police officer, he made a career on reading peoples' body language. we ended up talking for a bit longer and then we went and got what we thought would be a quick dinner. Six hours later we were still talking. We talked about everything. I couldn't remember the last time I felt so completely comfortable and safe with a man that wasn't a family member. He had me laughing to the point of tears. And his laugh was incredible.
Over the course of the next 3 months, he became a fast friend. We never did go on another date, but we became amazing friends. I always looked forward to his updates about weddings he was shooting and if I was ever having a rough day, I knew I could text Marvell and he would say the exact thing I needed to hear.
On September 18, 2013, to the shock and sorrow of all that knew him, Marvell died in a motorcycle accident. I woke up that morning at 7:40 a.m. thinking to myself, "I need to text Marvell and tell him how much I love him." I pushed that thought to the side because it was so early and I didn't want to risk waking him up as he always stayed up so late editing photos from his wedding shoots. And I didn't want to interrupt his morning with his sons if he was awake. It was a school day. So, I didn't text him. I found out at about 10:00 a.m. what had happened to him and... nothing can prepare you for that kind of news.
I've really struggled this week since Marvell passed away. I didn't know him as well as I would have liked. My heart is broken for his friends who knew him for years. My heart is broken for his family and his two boys. There is nothing easy about an unexpected passing of a loved one. In some ways I don't feel like I have the right to mourn his passing because I didn't know him as long as others. But, I know that if Marvell heard me utter that thought that he would laugh at me and tell me I'm an idiot, or something like that. And I would laugh. He had this way of bringing things into perspective in such an easy and comical and non-judgmental way. It was honest. I loved that about him.
I believe that there are people who come into our lives when we need them the most. And if we pay close attention, we will learn from their example the things we most desperately want to know about ourselves, our lives, this world, and love. It was no accident that I met Marvell when I did. I needed his example the most when I met him. I only knew him for 4 months, give or take a couple of weeks, and that's all it took for him to change my life and impact me for the better. I wish will all my heart that I could have known him longer. But, I know he's not gone, and better yet, I know that I will see him again because of the Atonement. He taught me about the Atonement. He taught me so much. He taught me about God. He taught me about trust. He taught me about friendship. He taught me selflessness. He taught me love. He taught me that I am so much stronger than I ever thought. He saw me in ways that I'm still trying to comprehend, but he helped me see that those ways are there.
I miss him so much. Words are not enough to express my gratitude in knowing this man. When we lose someone so important to our lives it's hard not to question why they were taken from this world. It's hard not to question why someone who was a light in our life, why their light had to be extinguished from our sight. Especially, when they made the world seem less dark. What happened to Marvell was an accident. I believe that accidents happen and they hurt God's heart just as much as our mortal hearts. And it is in those moments that God has to make something beautiful out of something tragic. Marvell was a protector and a visionary in this life. He always chose only to see the good in people. I know that he is still protecting on the other side. And that's a comfort to me because we all need protecting angels because there are so many aspects to this world that are dark.
I will never forget Marvell. He was so talented in so many ways. And he was an amazing father to his two boys. He was a brother, the oldest in his family. And he was a son. He was a friend. He was so many wonderful things to so many people. He will be missed by so many. And that's a testament to the man that he was. He was good. He was honest. And he was loyal beyond words. And he's got two boys that need all of our love a support right now.
I rarely do this, I can think of one other time that I did this and that was for a local family trying to raise funds to adopt siblings from Ukraine. This is important, otherwise I wouldn't mention it on here. There is a fund that has been set up for Marvell's two incredible sons who entered the 7th and 10th/11th grades this year. Any donation you can part with will be greatly appreciated. Marvell was the type of man that helped out everyone. He was so giving. He gave so much to the community of Utah. Even pennies will help. If you would like to donate to this fund, you can find it at the following link:
http://marvellsmith.org/
Thank you for remembering this man with me.
It was in May 2013 that I met Marvell Smith. I had just gotten out of an extremely bad relationship in December 2012 and I was pretty bitter. Marvell was a wedding photographer and I had become familiar with his work in 2012 when the guy I was dating at the time was talking about marriage. I was blown away by Marvell's photography. He captured moments, not images, but heartfelt and emotionally intimate moments. It was true art and not like any other wedding photographer I had ever seen. You can see it for yourself at his blog:
http://vellvetimages.com/#/home--utah-wedding-photographer/
I never messaged him about his photography, though. It wasn't until May 2013 that he and I started talking about getting to know each other. At this point, I was in a bad place. He was so nice and engaging and intriguing. I wanted to know more about him, but more than anything I really wanted to know a man that wouldn't let me down. Let me clarify that last statement. My brothers and dad are amazing men and they don't let me down. The type of relationship I'm talking about is outside of familial relationships. I don't have that much experience with good men outside of my family. Marvell surprised me because he was always uplifting.
In June 2013 we decided to go on a date. We had a really good time. It was really late, like after 9:00 at night when we had our date. I was a bundle of nerves. Borderline basket-case. When I got out of my car to walk up to Marvell, I didn't know if I could even look him in the eyes because... I was nervous of men. He smiled so big and his eyes were so kind. We talked a little bit. He was a master body language reader. As a police officer, he made a career on reading peoples' body language. we ended up talking for a bit longer and then we went and got what we thought would be a quick dinner. Six hours later we were still talking. We talked about everything. I couldn't remember the last time I felt so completely comfortable and safe with a man that wasn't a family member. He had me laughing to the point of tears. And his laugh was incredible.
Over the course of the next 3 months, he became a fast friend. We never did go on another date, but we became amazing friends. I always looked forward to his updates about weddings he was shooting and if I was ever having a rough day, I knew I could text Marvell and he would say the exact thing I needed to hear.
On September 18, 2013, to the shock and sorrow of all that knew him, Marvell died in a motorcycle accident. I woke up that morning at 7:40 a.m. thinking to myself, "I need to text Marvell and tell him how much I love him." I pushed that thought to the side because it was so early and I didn't want to risk waking him up as he always stayed up so late editing photos from his wedding shoots. And I didn't want to interrupt his morning with his sons if he was awake. It was a school day. So, I didn't text him. I found out at about 10:00 a.m. what had happened to him and... nothing can prepare you for that kind of news.
I've really struggled this week since Marvell passed away. I didn't know him as well as I would have liked. My heart is broken for his friends who knew him for years. My heart is broken for his family and his two boys. There is nothing easy about an unexpected passing of a loved one. In some ways I don't feel like I have the right to mourn his passing because I didn't know him as long as others. But, I know that if Marvell heard me utter that thought that he would laugh at me and tell me I'm an idiot, or something like that. And I would laugh. He had this way of bringing things into perspective in such an easy and comical and non-judgmental way. It was honest. I loved that about him.
I believe that there are people who come into our lives when we need them the most. And if we pay close attention, we will learn from their example the things we most desperately want to know about ourselves, our lives, this world, and love. It was no accident that I met Marvell when I did. I needed his example the most when I met him. I only knew him for 4 months, give or take a couple of weeks, and that's all it took for him to change my life and impact me for the better. I wish will all my heart that I could have known him longer. But, I know he's not gone, and better yet, I know that I will see him again because of the Atonement. He taught me about the Atonement. He taught me so much. He taught me about God. He taught me about trust. He taught me about friendship. He taught me selflessness. He taught me love. He taught me that I am so much stronger than I ever thought. He saw me in ways that I'm still trying to comprehend, but he helped me see that those ways are there.
I miss him so much. Words are not enough to express my gratitude in knowing this man. When we lose someone so important to our lives it's hard not to question why they were taken from this world. It's hard not to question why someone who was a light in our life, why their light had to be extinguished from our sight. Especially, when they made the world seem less dark. What happened to Marvell was an accident. I believe that accidents happen and they hurt God's heart just as much as our mortal hearts. And it is in those moments that God has to make something beautiful out of something tragic. Marvell was a protector and a visionary in this life. He always chose only to see the good in people. I know that he is still protecting on the other side. And that's a comfort to me because we all need protecting angels because there are so many aspects to this world that are dark.
I will never forget Marvell. He was so talented in so many ways. And he was an amazing father to his two boys. He was a brother, the oldest in his family. And he was a son. He was a friend. He was so many wonderful things to so many people. He will be missed by so many. And that's a testament to the man that he was. He was good. He was honest. And he was loyal beyond words. And he's got two boys that need all of our love a support right now.
I rarely do this, I can think of one other time that I did this and that was for a local family trying to raise funds to adopt siblings from Ukraine. This is important, otherwise I wouldn't mention it on here. There is a fund that has been set up for Marvell's two incredible sons who entered the 7th and 10th/11th grades this year. Any donation you can part with will be greatly appreciated. Marvell was the type of man that helped out everyone. He was so giving. He gave so much to the community of Utah. Even pennies will help. If you would like to donate to this fund, you can find it at the following link:
http://marvellsmith.org/
Thank you for remembering this man with me.
Friday, September 6, 2013
Birth Mother Baskets: Guest Blogger ~ Kathryn
Birth Mother Baskets: Guest Blogger ~ Kathryn
I have had the honor to be a guest blogger over at Birth Mother Baskets. You can read what I had to say by clicking on the link above.
Thank you Gina and Jenny got the opportunity.
I have had the honor to be a guest blogger over at Birth Mother Baskets. You can read what I had to say by clicking on the link above.
Thank you Gina and Jenny got the opportunity.
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