This morning I went to the gym with a friend of mine and usually we talk a lot, but today we were both pretty tired, and as it was only 5:00 in the morning and I'm getting over being sick and she is coming down with something, so we just weren't in the talking mood. We talked for the first half hour, but the rest of the workout, I didn't have anything to distract me. She brought a book to read and I left my music at home. I decided that I would meditate for the rest of my workout and it was pretty awesome.
Normally I start my mediation with a question, but today I didn't. Instead I started thinking of the things I'm grateful for in my life and there are a lot. I focused on what my body was feeling and... my body is tired. And then I zoned into specific areas of my body and I focused on their strength and why I appreciate them, which is something I've never done before. I've never felt confident in my body. Ever. I've always noticed the flaws and compared it to other's. A running joke I have is that my chest should start paying rent because it's always there and does nothing for me. How acidic is that? It's funny, but to say that about yourself is extremely hurtful. I've said it about my butt too. Focusing on the beauty of my body was very powerful and made me grateful, and I never thought that would happen. I then started thinking about my long term goals and "where" I want to be and am working towards. It's beautiful, the goals I have and they are attainable. It's going to require a lot of work and determination, but it is possible and I believe that now. Before I always hoped for the possibility. But now, I know it's possible.
In terms of "where" I want to go, it's hard to not try and put a time-frame on it because that's how I work towards goals, but this kind of goal has nothing to do with time and everything to do with preparing myself to be the person that is involved in the "where" of where I'm going. And that's been a hard thing to try to resolve. Where I want to go cannot be forced and it cannot be limited to increments of time. It was at this point that the thought came to mind "You owe nothing to Time but your best effort." You wouldn't believe the comfort that I've already felt today from that simple truth. I've always "known" that all I need to do is try my best, but somewhere in the throws of becoming an adult, I lost the real meaning of what that means... what my personal best is and I believed instead that everything worth wanting in life has to be learned and earned "now" and if I wasn't my best "now" then it was impossible. I hope this is making sense. So, to be inspired of this truth this morning... was exactly what I needed.
This is my truth: I owe nothing to Time but my personal best. And in doing so... just living my personal best each and every day, that is how I will become the woman I know I am capable of being... and that's how I will get to where I'm going. It's as simple as that. I think I'm pretty awesome right now, but you guys haven't seen anything yet. The woman I know I will be, she is spectacular. And today, I am one step closer to my transcendental transition into becoming her. That's pretty exciting.
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