Open Adoption Roundtable #38

I missed the issue of this roundtable topic, and I'm assuming it is number 38, though it wasn't labeled, so hopefully I'm not assuming incorrectly (it wouldn't be the first time *awkward eye shift*)

Roundtable prompt #38 is: Write to someone else in the adoption constellation (someone specific or a general group). What do you want to say to them on Mother’s Day?

Check out what other's have said about this prompt: http://openadoptionbloggers.com/2012/05/08/roundtable-38-mothers-day-open-adoption/

This is an interesting prompt for me.  I initially thought that I would write to Baby Daddy, but he isn't worth my time, and he is probably dead, so I'm not going to write to him.  And if I did, all I would say to him is that I feel sorry for him that he was so selfish to put my life in danger, that it wasn't a hard decision to make to not tell him about my son.  And that I don't regret not telling him.  And that I feel bad for him that he didn't make himself important enough to be worthy of the knowledge of the child that I carried for 9 months and placed lovingly in the arms of a social worker to deliver to his parents.  Baby Daddy is not important enough of the sacred knowledge of Baby Boy.  So, I'm not going to write to him.  And, given new paternity laws in the State of Utah, as of this year, and the rights of men to know when they have procreated with a woman, and any father's advocates that are out there reading this right now... I'm sorry if my words have offended you.  But, as the birth-mother of an angel, I take full responsibility in not alerting Baby Daddy.  And, where he took away my rights to protection from the darkness he associated with, unbeknownst to me, and the danger he put my life in, he no longer had a right to the child that came from me.  He may have flaunted my safety and didn't care, but as a birth-mother to a beautiful and innocent child, I wasn't going to let him claim the right to flaunt the safety of an infant to those he associated himself with.  If you couldn't tell, I don't fully agree with the new notification laws that Utah State has passed.  Moving on to the prompt, I've decided to write to the future husbands of birth-mothers, specifically the man that I will one day marry.

Dear future husband,

I have waited for you for a long time, and the wait has been hard and continues to be, but I would do it again knowing that the outcome was everything I'd ever dared to hope for my future knowing that it will lead me to you.  I've lived a lot of lives and a lot of pain has been involved, but it will lead me to you.  I would do it again, over and over, because it's making me the woman I wish to be and who is deserving of the quality of man that you will be.  You will know of the child of my heart and you will easily love him.  You will know of his birth-father and how I feared him.  You will know of the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life, and will ever have to do in my life and you will still chose to love me.  You will love me deeply and eternally and without judgement and without condemnation.  You will love me purely and I will love you the same.  In your eyes, I will be everything my past lives wanted to be: strong, independent, brave, adaptable, passionate, purpose-driven, visionary, and respected.  And, even in my roughest days that are to come, when I am at my weakest and I miss the child of my heart so deeply that I appear as a shell of my self, you will love me for my sacrifice and cherish me for my honesty.  You will be a man unlike most men.  Your ability to understand what is beyond the given will be one of your most admirable qualities.  Your love of a child that was not yours, and is not ours, and your protection of this child's memory is the quality that I will admire most in you.  Your recognition of the mother in me that other's don't see will build me up in ways you won't understand and I won't be able to fully express to you and I will love you because of your ability to make me feel strong when I don't feel like I am.  You will be proud of me and all my pasts because you recognize that without my pasts I wouldn't be who you love.  You will be everything I've ever wanted and I will recognize how blessed I am to have had my most sacred dreams come to be, in being your wife and having you for my husband.  I can't wait for that our time together to begin.  You will be my best friend; a person I can tell everything and anything to and I will be the same for you.  And together, we will be an example to our children of love and respect and admiration, and they will learn from us what love is.  I can't wait for our time together to begin.  I've loved you then, I love you now, and I will love you for the rest of time.

With all my heart,
Your future wife