Why Natl. Ferris Wheel Day should replace Valentine's Day

National Ferris Wheel Day, February 14, 2010

George W. Ferris was a bridge builder from Pitsburgh, Pennsylvania and founded G.W.G Ferris and Co., a firm that tested metals for bridge and railroad builders. The 1893 World's Fair was held in Chicago and commemorated the 400 year anniversary of Columbus' landing in America. The fair organizers wanted to rival the Eiffel Tower that was built by Gustave Eiffel in 1889, which was built to commemorate the 100 year anniversary of the French Revolution. The Eiffel tower was built for the Paris World's Fair. So, America, knowing they can do it bigger and better than any other nation in the world built a Ferris Wheel. The original architect, Daniel H. Burnham, who was hired to design the epic structure that would outshine the Eiffel tower proved to be a ninny-complaining pansy as he was found openely complaining at a banquet held in 1891 that the task of designing such a structure was proving to be impossible as nothing he could come up with, "met the expectations of the people." Well, boo-friggin-hoo, Mr. ninny-man-Burnham, you were upstaged by Mr. kick-ass-George Ferris Jr., holla! George Washington Ferris was not a man to back down from a challenge of this magnitude and found that he was struck with a bit of inspiration, or acid indigestion, and scribbled down a quick design for a Ferris Wheel on a dinner napkin at this very same banquet where pansy-man-Burnham was complaining. This design scribbled on a dinner napkin proved to be an engineering wonder for it's time. What it ultimately consisted of was: two 140-foot steel towers that supported the wheel that were connected by a 45-friggin-foot axel (which at the time was the largest single piece of forged steel known to man). The wheel had a diameter of 250 feet and a circumference of 825 feet, no joke. The Ferris Wheel was powered by two seperate 1000 horse-power reversible engines... because that's how America rolls, yo. This beast of american inginuity could hold up to 60 riders in 30 individual seats and cost 50 cents to ride. During the course of the World's Fair, this ride alone grossed $726, 805.50... makes you wonder who the last rider was... well, makes me wonder anyway. Unfortunately, this Ferris Wheel, the mother of all ferris wheels throughout the world, meet it's demise at the tender age of 13 years old when it was taken down and destroyed.

Contrary to popular belief... Valentine's Day, historically,was not about love. People, it marks the anniversary of St. Valentine's martyrdom, who was (I believe beheaded) on February 14, 269 A.D. for not giving up his belief in Christianity. True, some scholars believe that St. Valentine might have left a love note of some sort for the jailer's daughter... but, still, the dude was beheaded. Another popular belief of the demise of this specific saint goes that he served as a priest at Temple during the reign of Emperor Claudius and was and jailed and later killed for defying the Emperor. He eventually was declared a Saint by Pope Galasius in 496 A.D. and within time became the patron Saint of lovers...? Come 1800, it was popular practice in America to send out commercialized valentine's, as 1800 was the year that valentine's started to become a commercialized profit. But, I digress.

Valentine's day started during the time of the Roman Empire and was originally a date set aside to honor Juno who was the queen of the Roman Gods and Goddesses. She was also known as the Goddess of women and marriage. February 14 was the eve of the Feast of Lupercalia which occurred on Feb. 15 and which began the pairing of young boys and girls, who were strictly kept apart in society. Girls would right there name on a slip of paper and the boys would draw the name and during the Feast of Lupercalia the two would be paired together. This pairing would last anywhere from a week to a year, and would often lead to the two falling in love and ending up marrying one another. Enter Claudius II who was a tyrant against love (I might have made that part up except that I didn't because his nickname was Claudius the Cruel). Claudius II wasn't a very popular man throughout the world and involved Rome in many bloody campaigns that were also unpopular in the Roman citizen's view. Because these wars were unpopular to his citizens he brainstormed a way for the men to join his armies and his brilliant idea was to cancel all marriages and engagements in Rome. Enter Saint Valentine, who was a priest in Rome during this same time-frame. He, along with Saint Marius secretly went against Claudius II and married Roman couples together... he was later aprehended and taken into custody and condemned by the Prefect of Rome to be beaten to near death and then beheaded... yeah, that's some depressing sh-t.

Hence, my reason why Natl. Ferris Wheel Day should replace Valentine's Day because this tradition of showing your love and devotion to your significant other one day out of the year is BASED on blood and gore and paganistic traditions... that, and why in the he-l did Saint Marius not get any recognition... he was putting his neck on the line too. What, is Saint Marius' Day not as cool sounding as St. Valentine's Day?! Ferris Wheel's make you happy. At it's conception, the Ferris Wheel went against all popular belief of what could be done... that, and you get that giddy, butterfly feeling in the pit of your stomach when you are going on the down-side of the Ferris Wheel, and who doesn't like that feeling, I hear myself asking myself? Everything about Ferris Wheel's makes you happy and excited. Shouldn't we celebrate this day for love as it can mimic some of the same feelings felt when you are with someone you like, really like, or dare I even say it, love? Rather, than commemorating it on a day known for doom, sorrow, and secrecy? I'm just sayin' is all.