Taking a break from Grief

My birthday was on the 8th and I am now 25 years old. I always think it's interesting the morning of my birthday. For the last three years on my birthday, I've woken up with this unbelievable desire to listen to NPR Radio. That sensation lasts about one week and then I'm back to my normal self, listening to alternative music that is, for the most part, extremely superficial... but, hey, it's got an amazing beat. I haven't been keeping everyone updated on my workout success, and that hasn't been intentional. I knew going back to work full-time would be crazy and limit my schedule and I was absolutely right in that assumption because I have not had the time I would like to have to dedicate to keeping my blog updated. The working out has been going well, though. The two weeks that I was in crisis training, I didn't go at all, which sucks because by the time training started I had gotten into a really good routine, which has now been destroyed. But, I kept up on my diet which has made a huge difference. I lost 5 pounds the last 4 weeks, which I think is really good.
I was measured this morning by my trainer and he was ecstatic! I lost 1 inch on my arms, 1/2 an inch on my legs, 4 inches on my waist (which is crazy so we are thinking he mis-measured my waist originally)... and gained an inch on my hips? Again, we are thinking that I was originally mis-measured there the first time. He was stoaked, as was I... and then we trained and now I hurt. He kept saying, "I am convinced that you could easily lose 6-8 pounds a month which is why we're going to WORK it, yeah?! Aren't you excited?! You feelin' the pain, yet? Yeah, that's what I thoughy, haha (as my face pleads the answer to his question). Well, Miss-I-Rocked-My-Goal last month, this is only going to bring you closer to what you want to achieve. I want you to do this exercise until your legs are gonna FALL off, haha, yeah!" Yeah, he has lots of enthusiasm, but not in an annoying way, in an endearing way that keeps me from ripping off his head... that is if I could accomplish that and move my arms when he's done with me.
In all honesty, though, he is great. And, it turns out that he wrote the manual for this particular gym and so he trains the trainers... I got the best out of the bunch, which is awesome. And he holds you accountable. I need someone to hold me accountable because I haven't been doing that for myself for a long time.
As for my birthday, I went and splurged on myself, not in ridiculous amounts, mind you, but just by getting things to pamper myself. I bought some lavendar scented body bath and a lavendar scented bar of soap that leaves your skin so heavenly soft. I bought some new shampoo and conditioner that helps bring softness and body back to suffering hair. I new that the time would come after The Pregnancy (I capitalized it because I feel that part of my life warrants that kind of recognition) when I would lose ridiculous amounts of hair, and that time is now. What I didn't expect, however, was that my hair would become brittle and lifeless. I tried my new shampoo and conditioner out last night as I soaked in the bathtub and I love it. My hair feels and looks rockin' hot today! I also bought some new makeup and thought I would be a big-girl and start wearing mascara, so I bought some really nice mascara. I bought some amazing lotion that was in a birth-mom care package that the agency I placed through gives to their birth-moms that I ran out of and it is amazing. It adds moisture to your skin and helps heal your nail beds. It doesn't have any perfume in it, either, so it doesn't dry out your skin.
I never used to take time out for myself and it's something I'm going to do more often. Last night after I soaked in the tub and pampered myself with lotion and PAINTING MY TOE-NAILS (which I haven't done in Lord knows how long... and, I even shaved my legs), I slept so peacefully. I haven't slept that soundly for a long time. In fact I slept so well I could cry thinking about it. That may sound silly, but, I can't express to you the anxiousness that has plagued me since I left the hospital. When you combine that anxiousness with the type of sorrow that is so deep that it keeps you from sleeping and, well you've got the recipe for not sleeping. That is not an exageration, I don't sleep during the weekends, I am awake from Friday morning at 7:00 until late evening on Sunday and then am so exhausted throughout the week, but still unable to get full-night's rest... and last night, I slept solid and deep and I didn't dream anything and it was Heaven. The valuable lesson here is that we need to pamper ourselves. Don't feel guilty doing it, just do it. Though, a quick note, if you are exhausted, maybe reconsider the hot bath... I fell asleep in the bathtub last week and woke up in cold water which is SUCH a harsh awakening. So, you know, be safe, but pamper yourself. It's therapeutic and it's important.