School Adoption Presentations

I've had the wonderful opportunity to go to a local Junior High a couple times now to assist in presentations about adoption.  For those of you who don't know, Utah State Legislature requires that a segment on adoption be taught alongside the human sexuality unit in Jr. High and High School health classes.  This is to notify students of different options that are available to them should they, at any time in their life, find themselves or (girls, or boyfriends of girls) with an unplanned pregnancy.  It also teaches students what kind of resources are out there and how they can track down the information if they need to.  At the end of the unit on adoption, some schools in a certain school district invite a birth-mother and an adoptive parent to come and talk to the students about their personal experiences in the world of adoption.  The students can then ask questions and engage in dialogue with someone who has actually experienced placing a child for adoption, or who has adopted a child.  The first time I presented was back in January and it was such an inspiring experience for me. Yesterday I went and presented for the same teacher again and again it was such an inspiring experience.

I am inspired by the students.  I don't know if you all have noticed this or not, but teenagers today are awesome.  I feel really old saying that.  When I was a teenager, I wasn't impressed by other teenagers around me and I'm sure the feeling was mutual in regards to their opinions of me.  These kids were awesome.  They are real.  They are curious and asked difficult and honest questions.  There is nothing like the experience of staring a teenager directly in the eyes and sharing something that you wished you would have known when you were their age and seeing understanding reflected back in their eyes.  There is no such inspiration as that connected moment when you know that what you are saying is being heard and that it made an impression for the better on someone.  I'm not trying to turn this moment around to myself.  I'm just saying that it's a really special moment and I wish so badly that there had been presentations like this when I was a teenager.  I don't know if it would have changed my future, I would never be so bold to declare one way or the other what impact a presentation like this would have had on me as an adolescent and then young adult.

My favorite question that I got asked- and it was asked in a very delicate and nervous way by a boy who had glasses, and blonde hair, and a soft voice- was "Do you ever think about [Baby Boy] anymore?"  I could tell he was nervous to ask it because he wouldn't look me in the eyes and kept looking down and kind of laughed nervously and started with, "I don't know how to ask this" as he rubbed the back of his neck.  I responded with a smile and told him honestly and with all the love in my heart "There is not one second of the day that passes that I don't miss him or think of him.  For the 9 months that I was pregnant with him and had him all to myself, he became my best friend.  I love him with every breath and heart beat.  And I'm happy for him.  I'm happy that he has a dad that won't endanger his life.  I'm happy that he has parents who love him and adore him as much as I do.  And I'm happy that he has a family with siblings who think that he is the cutest and funniest kid in the world.  I'm happy that he is happy and has all that I desperately wished I could have provided him with, but was not able to.  I will always love him and be curious about him and I will never forget him."  The boy who asked the question and I, our eye-contact never broke and he had tears in his eyes and was nodding up and down while I finished answering his question.  I smiled at him and he smiled back and looked down.  I looked around the room and there were 5 more hands raised and I called on other students and answered their questions.  Towards the end of the question-and-answer segment, the question was asked by the teacher if anyone in the classroom was adopted and that same boy raised his hand and looked at me and smiled.

In another class, the class was really curious about Baby Daddy and his story.  For those of you who don't know, he was seriously involved with drugs, dangerous and illegal drugs, up to and including selling drugs and collecting debts for other dealers.  One boy in particular asked 3-4 questions about Baby Daddy and one of them was whether or not he knew I was pregnant.  That's a hard question because I feel guilty for not telling Baby Daddy I was pregnant, but then again I did what I had to do and felt was best.  I answered that Baby Daddy didn't know then and he doesn't know now.  Without raising his hand he looked at me and said, "Why not?"  And I told him that Baby Daddy was dangerous and that when you find yourself in an unplanned pregnancy it's a huge reality check and it puts things in clear perspective where before they were foggy.  I told him that I debated whether or not to tell Baby Daddy and that what it all came down to was that Baby Daddy endangered my life and I may have got myself into that situation, but the baby born to me didn't have a say in the matter as to whether or not he was conceived by the two people who conceived him.  It wasn't fair to risk endangering his life just because I chose the wrong man to be reckless with.  I told him that I struggle with whether or not that was the right decision but that ultimately what it all came down to was what is in the best interest of the child coming in to the world.  He looked down and then looked up at me and smiled and said, "Yeah, I hear what you're saying" and nodded and smiled some more.  Needless to say, he wasn't afraid to ask more questions and he had a lot of good ones to ask.

In another class, before class started I was talking to the adoptive mom who was there presenting with me and I heard behind me "Aunt Kathryn?"  I turned around and my nephew, my wonderful, handsome, sweet, kind, generous, and spectacular nephew was standing behind me.  I was so surprised and happy to see him. I called him by name and he held his arms open to me and I put my hand on his face and he smiled that smile that I've loved since he was a baby and he hugged me.  In front of his fellow classmates he hugged me :) and it was that moment that I felt like I was the coolest aunt in the world.  He said, "I thought that was you and I wanted to check."  He was in the next class.  I pulled him aside and I told him what I was doing there and that I was going to be talking about Baby Boy and if he was uncomfortable with me doing that, that I would sit this class out.  He shook his head and said, "No, I'm fine."  I asked him if there was anything he didn't want me to talk about and he said, "No, it's all fine."  He's an amazing kid.  He is the oldest grandchild in my family and I remember when he was born.  The first time I held him I made a decision that I was going to be someone this little guy would be proud of.  I think I am.  It was this nephew whose dad and mom said I could stay with them for as long as I needed when I relocated after I found out I was pregnant.  So, this nephew has always known about Baby Boy and he loves him very much.  I can tell when he sees pictures of him.

You see what I mean?  Teenagers are awesome.  Are they hormonal and intense and a little frightening sometimes?  Yeah.  But ultimately, to their core, they are good people.  And they are lively and excited about life and the future and that's SO contagious!  Teenagers aren't as unaware as people claim them to be; they have their moral code and standards and they deeply consider how certain situations and people fit in to all of that.  Yes, they are highly reactive and probably don't always think of the consequences of their decisions, but adults don't always do that either.  And the thing about teenagers is once they get "it", they really get it.  Our futures are in good hands.  When my generation is retired and golfing, the next generation will be in control and I've seen so many fine examples of that generation that I'm not scared.

Both times that I've done presentations it just confirms to me more how much I want to teach high school and it pumps me up to get my degree and work harder so that I can be better for my future students.  It's exciting.  I'm going to do more presentations on the 21st and 22nd of this month and I can't wait.