School Adoption Presentations

I've had the wonderful opportunity to go to a local Junior High a couple times now to assist in presentations about adoption.  For those of you who don't know, Utah State Legislature requires that a segment on adoption be taught alongside the human sexuality unit in Jr. High and High School health classes.  This is to notify students of different options that are available to them should they, at any time in their life, find themselves or (girls, or boyfriends of girls) with an unplanned pregnancy.  It also teaches students what kind of resources are out there and how they can track down the information if they need to.  At the end of the unit on adoption, some schools in a certain school district invite a birth-mother and an adoptive parent to come and talk to the students about their personal experiences in the world of adoption.  The students can then ask questions and engage in dialogue with someone who has actually experienced placing a child for adoption, or who has adopted a child.  The first time I presented was back in January and it was such an inspiring experience for me. Yesterday I went and presented for the same teacher again and again it was such an inspiring experience.

I am inspired by the students.  I don't know if you all have noticed this or not, but teenagers today are awesome.  I feel really old saying that.  When I was a teenager, I wasn't impressed by other teenagers around me and I'm sure the feeling was mutual in regards to their opinions of me.  These kids were awesome.  They are real.  They are curious and asked difficult and honest questions.  There is nothing like the experience of staring a teenager directly in the eyes and sharing something that you wished you would have known when you were their age and seeing understanding reflected back in their eyes.  There is no such inspiration as that connected moment when you know that what you are saying is being heard and that it made an impression for the better on someone.  I'm not trying to turn this moment around to myself.  I'm just saying that it's a really special moment and I wish so badly that there had been presentations like this when I was a teenager.  I don't know if it would have changed my future, I would never be so bold to declare one way or the other what impact a presentation like this would have had on me as an adolescent and then young adult.

My favorite question that I got asked- and it was asked in a very delicate and nervous way by a boy who had glasses, and blonde hair, and a soft voice- was "Do you ever think about [Baby Boy] anymore?"  I could tell he was nervous to ask it because he wouldn't look me in the eyes and kept looking down and kind of laughed nervously and started with, "I don't know how to ask this" as he rubbed the back of his neck.  I responded with a smile and told him honestly and with all the love in my heart "There is not one second of the day that passes that I don't miss him or think of him.  For the 9 months that I was pregnant with him and had him all to myself, he became my best friend.  I love him with every breath and heart beat.  And I'm happy for him.  I'm happy that he has a dad that won't endanger his life.  I'm happy that he has parents who love him and adore him as much as I do.  And I'm happy that he has a family with siblings who think that he is the cutest and funniest kid in the world.  I'm happy that he is happy and has all that I desperately wished I could have provided him with, but was not able to.  I will always love him and be curious about him and I will never forget him."  The boy who asked the question and I, our eye-contact never broke and he had tears in his eyes and was nodding up and down while I finished answering his question.  I smiled at him and he smiled back and looked down.  I looked around the room and there were 5 more hands raised and I called on other students and answered their questions.  Towards the end of the question-and-answer segment, the question was asked by the teacher if anyone in the classroom was adopted and that same boy raised his hand and looked at me and smiled.

In another class, the class was really curious about Baby Daddy and his story.  For those of you who don't know, he was seriously involved with drugs, dangerous and illegal drugs, up to and including selling drugs and collecting debts for other dealers.  One boy in particular asked 3-4 questions about Baby Daddy and one of them was whether or not he knew I was pregnant.  That's a hard question because I feel guilty for not telling Baby Daddy I was pregnant, but then again I did what I had to do and felt was best.  I answered that Baby Daddy didn't know then and he doesn't know now.  Without raising his hand he looked at me and said, "Why not?"  And I told him that Baby Daddy was dangerous and that when you find yourself in an unplanned pregnancy it's a huge reality check and it puts things in clear perspective where before they were foggy.  I told him that I debated whether or not to tell Baby Daddy and that what it all came down to was that Baby Daddy endangered my life and I may have got myself into that situation, but the baby born to me didn't have a say in the matter as to whether or not he was conceived by the two people who conceived him.  It wasn't fair to risk endangering his life just because I chose the wrong man to be reckless with.  I told him that I struggle with whether or not that was the right decision but that ultimately what it all came down to was what is in the best interest of the child coming in to the world.  He looked down and then looked up at me and smiled and said, "Yeah, I hear what you're saying" and nodded and smiled some more.  Needless to say, he wasn't afraid to ask more questions and he had a lot of good ones to ask.

In another class, before class started I was talking to the adoptive mom who was there presenting with me and I heard behind me "Aunt Kathryn?"  I turned around and my nephew, my wonderful, handsome, sweet, kind, generous, and spectacular nephew was standing behind me.  I was so surprised and happy to see him. I called him by name and he held his arms open to me and I put my hand on his face and he smiled that smile that I've loved since he was a baby and he hugged me.  In front of his fellow classmates he hugged me :) and it was that moment that I felt like I was the coolest aunt in the world.  He said, "I thought that was you and I wanted to check."  He was in the next class.  I pulled him aside and I told him what I was doing there and that I was going to be talking about Baby Boy and if he was uncomfortable with me doing that, that I would sit this class out.  He shook his head and said, "No, I'm fine."  I asked him if there was anything he didn't want me to talk about and he said, "No, it's all fine."  He's an amazing kid.  He is the oldest grandchild in my family and I remember when he was born.  The first time I held him I made a decision that I was going to be someone this little guy would be proud of.  I think I am.  It was this nephew whose dad and mom said I could stay with them for as long as I needed when I relocated after I found out I was pregnant.  So, this nephew has always known about Baby Boy and he loves him very much.  I can tell when he sees pictures of him.

You see what I mean?  Teenagers are awesome.  Are they hormonal and intense and a little frightening sometimes?  Yeah.  But ultimately, to their core, they are good people.  And they are lively and excited about life and the future and that's SO contagious!  Teenagers aren't as unaware as people claim them to be; they have their moral code and standards and they deeply consider how certain situations and people fit in to all of that.  Yes, they are highly reactive and probably don't always think of the consequences of their decisions, but adults don't always do that either.  And the thing about teenagers is once they get "it", they really get it.  Our futures are in good hands.  When my generation is retired and golfing, the next generation will be in control and I've seen so many fine examples of that generation that I'm not scared.

Both times that I've done presentations it just confirms to me more how much I want to teach high school and it pumps me up to get my degree and work harder so that I can be better for my future students.  It's exciting.  I'm going to do more presentations on the 21st and 22nd of this month and I can't wait.

I'm "Twitter"-pated...

Okay folks, it's official.  I'm tweetering... I'm a twitterer... I'm twittering...?  Whatever it's called, I feel old trying to talk about it.  Having said that, I would like to share with you all my vision.  I'm excited about this.  As you all know, or can tell, I love to write.  And I love to express myself.  I am my most honest when I write.  And writing is something I feel... drawn to.  Furthermore, I love talking about Open Adoption.  What does all of this have to do with anything?  One day, I want to write a book and this blog is the beginning of my voice.  One day, I want it to explode virally... I want it to go viral, however the proper way to say that is (clearly I don't speak tech-anese... that's to say, I'm no techy).  I want the world to know about Open Adoption and I want to share it through my experience.  Please, share this blog with anyone and everyone.  I'm not joking.  If you are standing in line at the grocery mart and 10 people ahead of you is a coupon-er (no judging here) and you know you are going to be there for a while and you want to strike up a conversation, start talking about Open Adoption, and share my blog.  I want communication.  I want those of you in the shadows to feel safe to come out from hiding and share your feelings with me about what adoption means to you.

I realize that probably a lot of you don't comment because I don't necessarily end my posts in a way that opens up the dialogue.  I'm going to work on doing that.  And I'm also going to start posing prompts as I think of them.  Twitter (I know the name at least) has an entire community on adoption and so I'm wanting to learn from people on there to see what the conversations are about and then I'm going to share this with all of you and we are going to dialogue about it.  I'm excited about this.

This life is about connection.  This life is about love.  This life is about loving and connecting.  We all hold adoption in a very special place in our hearts, so I'm asking you all to open up to me.  Don't be afraid to respond to the prompts.  I'm going to watch the comments and I'm going to filter them, and if I feel that someone is slamming someone else, I'm not going to post the response.  This is a safe zone, so let's get real with each other and open it up.  This is a dream of mine.  You know how you have those childhood dreams and then you grow up and life gets in the way and you end up becoming "something" for the sake of paying the bills and you forgot your dream?  Yeah, it took me a long time to figure out how to facilitate my dream.  I've always wanted peace.  I've always wanted people to feel loved and not forsaken.  I've always believed that we all have something to say.  I don't want to be a social worker because I get too emotionally involved and that wouldn't be healthy for me.  Yes, I'm pursuing education and I can't wait.  But ultimately, my dream is to connect with as many people as I can and share my story with them and have them share their stories with me and through this sharing, the world becomes more understanding.  So, help me out with that.

To start off the open dialogue.  If you have questions about anything relating to adoption (or not adoption, but something else) and you want it to be discussed, PLEASE leave me a comment on my most recent post and ask me about it.  And if you see someone ask a question and you have an answer to it, respond to them.  If you are on Twitter, let's find each other.  If I talk about something and I don't elaborate on it enough (hard to believe for this wordy one *pointing at self*) don't hesitate to push me on the topic.  This blog is as much for you as it is for me.  So, let's start communicating and let's grow the conversation on adoption.  This is an exciting time in history for adoption, it is opening up more and more each day and records are being made available when they weren't available before.  Let's help the progress along.  With a combined effort, I know we can do this.  So, share with me.  I open the blogging floor up to you.


My best regards,
Other Mother/Kathryn

Comment Authorization

Hello everyone,

I have noticed some spam comments on my blog; meaning, generalized random comments that have nothing to do with anything that act simply as a link to a sales scheme.  Having said this, I am now going to set comments to be previewed and authorized by me before they are posted on my blog.  I never wanted to have to do this because I want you all to be able to express yourselves freely on this blog and without hindrance of a delayed comment.

I don't want trashy sales schemes to dilute the purity of what this blog is about, which is why I'm changing to authorized comments.

Please don't let this hinder you from commenting freely and openly.  Please understand that I love and appreciate your comments so much; you all have just as much to do with where I am today, as I do.  I learn from your perspective and it is important to me, so please don't stop commenting.  Thank you for your support and continued input.

Most Sincerely,
Other Mother

Deleted Comments

I was noticing today that some of the comments from my last post are now gone. To those of you who commented and it's now no longer there, I don't know what happened. I know that blogger was having a maintenance the other night and now the comments are gone. Please know that I did not delete your comments. I value everyone's input and I want you all to know how grateful I am for your support. It means more than you will ever know. God bless you all.

Sincerely,

Other Mother